The kingdom of God is within; those simple words have such a powerful meaning. My time in Lourdes has been amazing. For a place I originally didn't have on my list (thanks to the front man of the BBB for encouraging me) I am so thankful to have com and would encourage all to come experience the faith for yourself. When Ben told me I had to go to Lourdes, Ido not think he actually gave me a reason but that it was a place I needed to go. Coming to Lourdes, I have read one book about Bernadette and the apparitions of Mary and the healing water which sprung up but it was not a story that had touched my heart the way that Therese and lisieux had or Teresa and Avila.

Upon arrival at 10pm at night, I felt a sense of peace and comfort as soon as I got off the train. I was easily able to navigate the streets and I was led to st Christophe where I would be staying the next three nights. That night I heard people coming back with such energy from the grotto where they had just taken part in the torch procession and mass. I did not sleep well and so I was off and running before 7am. I took advantage of being one of few early risers and walked around the grounds in the basicilia of the rosary, the immaculate conception, the crypts, and the grotto. As I came to the grotto, I noticed they were setting up for mass, so I sat down and got ready by pulling up the readings (thanks to Ana for telling me about Imissal app - no more needing Internet). Then my first mass at Lourdes began and it was in English - probably my first and only English mass during this trip! The priest was an English fellow and really brought together the gospel of healing, the cures at the grotto, and our own life and healing. After mass i walked back to the main part and could see the people coming from everywhere what had initially been a small crowd was now turning into a large community. I went away from the crowd and found a quiet spot on the river where I could see the basilica and enjoyed my picnic lunch and sat still for a wild - just enjoying what God has put before me. This would become my spot.

Then I went for stations of the cross to reflect on Jesus's passion. The high stations are amazing and as you climb up the hill you are put to a little challenge physically. Each station, has life size statues that represent each scene. The first station for those that are able is up a flight of stairs and each pilgrim approaches all the way on their needs. Praying their own prayer up each step. The first station, is Jesus being condemn, I do not know what it was but all I know, is I have never experienced stations like that and I have never been as touched by Jesus sacrifice and choice for my sins and the sins of the world. All I can say, is approaching on your knees looking at the scene you know Christ should not of had to suffer the way He did and yet He chose to. On the other hand, as a sinner I should suffer and yet through Gods grace I haven not. All my sins came to mind, my failures, the times I did not do what was right, the times I stood by and allowed Him to be humiliated, yes it was all there. And as I came to the top I felt almost every emotion from sorrow to peace- a bit hard to explain. At each station I thought about our Lords passion and how it tied to my life. Well the 14th station shows the lord being placed in the tomb and you begin your way down the hill. On the other side if you look back at the hill you see a 15th station, which shows the stone rolled away and we are reminded that Christ conquered death and was risen from the dead.

From stations, I wanted to go to confession and as luck would have it, priest were taking confessions in English. I told the priest that I was having trouble with my thoughts and judging others and had I been around friends I know I would have made comments. The priest I met with was very kind and offered spiritual advice for my failures. First, he told me to consider it a grace that i was away from my friends and that the spirit was guiding me. It was my choice to leave but up until this point i would not have considered it a grace to be away from my friends. He also offered, that it is easy for us to excuse our own failings or the failings of those we like - yet people we do not like or even people we do not know, we see all their faults. The priest simply offered that I should place myself in their shoes in the sense of thinking of their background, life, etc and how that might have led them to who or what they are and had I been in the same life situation as them that I could have been just like them or worse. Then of course, it goes back to recognizing our own sins- remember the part of removing the beam from our eye before getting the speck out of our brothers.

Well following confession, the priest gave me a blessing for my pilgrimage and the hike and I left feeling really good. I know I am on the right path and that the Fathers will, will be done and I am open to whatever that may be. Along came Eucharist adoration and it was an amazing service - with literally thousands of people it was amazing how quiet the moments of silence were.

Once again, I have enjoyed seeing many different people from every background that share my faith... Back to that universal church. Also, it is amazing how many people with disabilities are here and how many volunteers there're to care for them. They come through faith seeking a cure but they accept their cross and it is a lesson for all to trust in God and offer up our small crosses for Him.

After that I was on a holy high and did not think the day could get any better, so I went for dinner and let's just say my definition of well done, cook bueno, no rogue, no Rojo - just does not make since in France. Literally when I first cut into my steak - blood came out. So I asked in another way. The waitress left with the steak and I kid you not, not even 2 minutes and she was back. Yes you could tell it was on the grill but still red. Then she realized I was not eating and said cook more- I used another descriptive term and she left and 2 minutes later she was back. So I did the kid routine and cut it up and moved it around to look like I had ate it. But I just smiled, thinking of what the priest said and being the other person and this woman was probably just as frustrated knowing something was wrong but unable to communicate to make it right.

Well coming back to the grounds, I went and prayed a rosary in the rosary basilica. This basilica is my favorite chapel on the grounds. The joyful, glorious, and sorrowful mysteries are each done in giant mosaic so that each mystery has it own side altar. As a kid this would make learning the rosary so much easier as instead of mentally having to recall the scene from Christ life it is brought here in the scenes in the mosaics. I am a fan of mosaics.

To close up the night, I took part in the torch procession. I could not believe how many people were there. It was truly amazing and you would have thought the line was going to go forever. I got there 30 minutes early to line up and said bonjour to a nun and she said, hello... So I said hello in return and she was delighted. Just as I have felt like nobody around me speaks English she too had felt this. So sister Donahue was there with her blood sister Helen and they had made the pilgrimage with a parish in Ireland. Sister Donahue is with the sisters of mercy and she is based in dublin, Ireland. We had a lovely time talking and she just had kind eyes that could see through you and it was great to make another friend. The procession began and it was amazing seeing how many people were there to love and celebrate their faith. Sister Donahue constantly made sure i was with them and she just radiated joy as we sung ave maria. Being part of the torch procession was just amazing and there was such joy and peace in being there and being part of that body of Christ. I started by saying the kingdom of God is within us, how than can we not be at peace and have joy? It is simple, when we let the world dominate our life we loose that peace and joy that God intended and intends for us to have. When we center our life on Christ that joy and peace are there. We have all heard that people in third world countries are happier than most Americans... Yet Americans do not know the hardships like these people. It comes back to where is your life center. I know in my life, I have many times place other things in the center (money, friends, relationships, job, family, the haunt, status, the list could go on) and when I did I lacked that joy and peace.

To finish off in Lourdes, the next day I was able to take a bath in the springs water and it was just another one of those emotional moments. The waters of lourdes reminds us of our baptism, our purification, us being made clean spiritually - yes unexplained miracles have occurred at Lourdes from people that touched the water but it is not in a fountain of youth magical way- the healing comes through Christ and their faith. When jesus heal the deaf man, he did not need mud but He used it but Jesus healed from the man's faith in christ not the mans faith in the mud.

The rest of the day has been filled with peace. I will begin the camino tomorrow from st jean pied de port. I like that my hike begins on September 11, that is the day of birth of my grandmother (she would be 100) and I know she will be watching and praying over me from heaven. I plan to spend the hike away from the noise, so other then letting my folks no I am alive and where, I want it to be a personal time. Of course, that could change if God tells me to, but I feel the disconnect from the world will be good for me. Much love and prayers for each of you.
God bless,
Kim Brown