The Pilgrim

One of the lessons that I learned last year on the Camino about being a pilgrim is that we keep moving towards our ultimate destination.  That is why, unless you were injured or sick, they did not encourage pilgrims to stay in a town more than one day- they wanted us to continue moving forward.   

Having always been a person on the go and usually juggling multiple task at once, I was familiar with going from one event to the next and the continuos movement forward.  Then this past year, of not having any real commitments or plans has been a drastically different lifestyle for me- the Scheduler of Schedules!  I no longer had the 5-7 standing events a week like I did when I worked at NCTC.  Now on an average week, I might have one actual commitment.  So my life got slower, slower in a good way... Allowing me to be more focus and present with God.  Not distracted with so many worldly things. And it was a good year for moving forward personally.

Then, I headed off again on a pilgrimage and although this time I am not required to move on, I have found myself naturally moving on.  I come to see what I came to see and then I find a quiet church or chapel and pray for most of the day and then I am ready to move-on.  I do not want to waste the time I am given.  With the concept of a pilgrim, constantly moving, it helps me to think about the bag I carry and really how little I actually need.   

Ultimately as a pilgrim, we are walking towards heaven and on a path that will bring us nearer to God.  Like this trip and constantly moving and not delaying, I think we too must not delay to get nearer to God.  After all, why would we delay the greatest joy that we can/could ever know?

It is amazing when I look back and see how God has woven this pilgrimage together for me and how everything built upon a previous lesson and how it is all interconnected.  As I referenced the steps in my last blog, we continue to move forward and take that next step as a pilgrim in this world.  Sometimes we do not see the next step but we trust and go where we are led by the Holy Spirit and that next step appears.  I was unsure at some points where God was leading me in my prayer time but I went where I thought I was suppose to go and then I saw the next step.  Truly brilliant how everything came together for me on this trip and how God answered my questions in prayer.  Looking back, it is always easier to see the pattern verses trying to see that pattern when we are in the middle.  I believe everything happens for a reason and there are no random coincidences which makes the sequence of events always that much better when you look at the big picture... It all had a purpose.

So I will leave Rome tomorrow to return to Virginia before making a roundabout way back to the DFW area.  From there, I will keep moving and taking that next step and we will see where that leads!  

Colossians 4:17

Steps

As the day comes to an end and I make my walk back to the convent I am staying at for evening vespers, i begin thinking about steps.  There are the 117 stair steps from the market I go to each night to buy my fruit to my convent and then once inside the convent there are the 59 stair steps up to my room.  Yes, each step I take brings me closer to my goal.  In this case, getting into by room to take off the hiking boots and put on the sandals and freshen up before heading downstairs to the chapel.  But what about the bigger picture of my life and my life goal?  Where are my everyday steps taking me?

Having spent the day, mainly focused on the early fathers of our church and their crosses which they happily carried following Christ to their death, a death by martyrdom, I think of our journey in this world. From the prison chains of Paul and his tomb located in St. Paul's Outside the Walls, 

to Peter's prison chains at St. Peter's in Chains, 

or simply the coliseum where early Christians died for their faith, 

or visiting the church that houses the head of John the Baptist, 

among many more.  It draws me in, to think about these humans that showed extraordinary strength when faced with persecution.  Where did that extraordinary strength come from?  From the very source of strength from their faith in God and the grace He bestows on those that trust in Him.  I reflect back to high school, when our theater department did the play the crucible.  I remember as a 9th grader just thinking, all they had to do was say they denounce God (meanwhile telling God they did not mean it) and that they were a witch and they could save their life (after all God would understand).  It was not until I was in college with my intervarsity group, that somewhere along the way I came to understand, why they gave their life versus denouncing God.  To die for your faith, how many are really willing to make that sacrifice?  

Most of us will never be forced to denounce our faith or die, but everyday we make choices that denounce our faith.  When we are afraid to say a blessing for our meal because we are in public.  When we do not correct someone that has made an inappropriate joke or comment about our faith.  When we fail to give credit to God for the blessing in our life and instead take the credit. In so many ways, we put God aside.  One of the reflections, that I had early on this trip when I was writing the things to help me grow was that everything either brings me closer to God or pulls me away.  I then made a conscious effort to rid myself of those things which distract.  In this case it was simply deleting my card game on the IPAD which I did when I wanted to waste time waiting.

Once again, we are constantly taking steps and hopefully those steps bring us closer to God and not pulling us away from Him.  As I have walked around Rome and down the incline and declines, I thought of a homily by Father Jason Cargo sometime last Fall.  He spoke about his time studying in Rome and he ran a marathon around the city.  About the last 5k, he did not think he could go any further and one of his fellow priest saw Father Jason struggling to take the next steps.  His brother priest, came out of the crowd in his dress clothes (including loafers) and ran the remainder of the way beside Father Jason encouraging him the entire way.  

We are not meant to take our steps alone and together we can bring one another to the finish line to the ultimate goal. I came on pilgrimage alone (yes, God has been with me without a doubt) and yet at every place I have made friends from my Italian Mamas, the French woman Silvia at the halfway house, the Vietnamese pilgrims whom the Monseigneur made a point to tell his joke twice once in Vietnamese and once in English - just so I could laugh with everyone else, the Indian sisters and Priest from the Papal Audience that are expecting me to come to their place, or the Holland gang that I spent part of the day with as we discovered a hidden tomb and walked around a cemetery together.  Our pilgrimage in this world is not meant for us to take it alone.  So instead of hiding our faith, share your faith.  As Jesus told the disciples, 'do not be afraid.'  I think fear is what causes most of us to not speak up or act out on our faith.  Our society is all about being politically correct but part of being politicically correct, is allowing you to live your faith while others can coincided and live their faith.  After all, you never know when acting on your faith, living your faith will draw someone else into the faith.  So start where you are and begin making steps, even if they are slow at first, kind of like me doing the final steps to my room each night after vespers!  Then as you begin making steps to get to your ultimate destination be like Father Jason's friend and help someone else whom is struggling to take their next step!  God Bless!

The end at Norcia

Norcia has been a quiet and charming town, that for the most part seems to be avoided by most tourist during this time of the year.  The reason for my coming to Norcia was to go to the birthplace of Saint Benedict and his twin sister, Saint Scholastica.  In the center of town, the church of Saint Benedict has been built over the ruins of the family home.  Saint Benedict would go on to be considered the founder of modern monastery life through the rule, commonly known as the Rule of Saint Benedict.  

This summer, after knowing God was calling me to religious life, I wanted to read this rule and so I got the book.  It is truly amazing that something written 1500 years ago to explain how to live a life in a monastery as well as how to govern a monastery is still the standard.  It really just goes to show, that the more things change the more they stay the same.  Anyways, I enjoyed the silence that the churches in Norcia offered as the only people in them were people there to pray as oppose to just pop-in and out to take a photo.  Of how the priest homily in Italian on the Camino, comes back to play.

Anyways, I was able to stay with the Benedictine Sisters at Saint Antony's Monastery and was once again blessed to be able to get to participate with the community for Liturgy of the Hours.  As evening came, a woman came that was staying there and every now and then she would get lost.  I would help her find what page we were on and where we were at.  So when dinner came, she started speaking in italian, only to be surprised that I was not Italian.  Dinner with Paula was really nice as she could also speak English and we talked about many things of faith.  Sister Bernadette also joined in our conversation but it was my conversation with her in the morning which was my favorite.  

After lauds, Mass, terrace, and breakfast at the convent, I was ready to go.  Before I left Sister had a nice talk and various words of wisdom on religious life.  The one thing I appreciated the most was her telling me to not focus on all the means but solely focus on the end.  If I have a clear vision of the end, it will make everything easier whatever challenges come my way. I thought this was great vocation advice, no matter what vocation in life we have chosen.  Hopefully for all the vision of the end - should be eternity with God in heaven.  So we each approach our vocation with that end in mind and we walk the path God has called us to, but always remain focus on the end.  The end is not getting married, taking final vows, or living a committed single life- each of these should only help us get to our ultimate end.  How many of us get caught up on the means instead of the end.  I know I have but will try to be constantly focus on the end in the future.

View from convent window

Wild pigs everywhere!

The call...

"Rebuild my church".  A universal call for each of us to do our part.  In Assisi at San Damiano or inside the Basilica of Saint Maria Delgli Angeli,  you see what Francis took literally (rebuilding small churches that had fallen into ruins) before rebuilding Gods church through people.  The real church that laid in ruins, was the faith of the people.  People that were spiritually craving God, even if they did not know it.  Today we also suffer from a Church in ruins- so many people lost and looking but usually looking in all the wrong places for that joy that only God can bring.  This is where we each must do our part to rebuild God's church.  Fitting that this is what speaks to me in Assisi, but I do not think this has ever left my heart, once it was planted there a while back.

So, How is The Lord calling you to rebuild His church?  A basic sermon on stewardship would come into play here... through your talent, time, and treasure.  True love does not have a formula, we love with everything we have.  So although a tithe is ten percent, that does not mean we only give ten percent of ourselves to God.  Once again, true love has no formula.  Would a marriage be consider a good marriage in the eyes of the world if the husband and wife only gave each other ten percent?  Would you consider a parent a good parent if they only gave ten percent of themselves to their children?  No, it is out of love that we want to do more for those we love.  For the people we love, we will go to extremes at any hour of the day or night.  No cost is too much for those we love.  Is this how we feel about God?  Once Francis understood true love, he gave everything he had to God.  What am I giving to God?

Walk Around Siena

As I walked around the town of Siena, I was drawn to walk towards the Basilica of San Francesco.  I did not know it until, i walked inside the church but one of the Eucharistic Miracles is in siena and it is at the Basilica of San Francesco.  So now, I know why I was led to walk this way!

The Eucharistic Miracles are great examples to use when teaching about the bread and wine being the true presence of Christ in the Eucharist (transformed into the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Christ).  On occasion, our church (the people) have been given miracles such as the bread being preserved for centuries, actual blood coming from the bread, and so forth.  These signs are given to us,to help the Thomas in each of us but the true miracle of the Eucharist, in my opinion is each and every time a Mass is said and the consecration of ordinary bread and wine turns into our very Lord.  Then we become tabernacles as we go about our day and if we truly allow God to do His thing in us (His will), then the Eucharistic transform us.  And that there is another miracle, when we really examine our selves -our failures and shortcomings - and yet, God takes us with these and can make us Holy, if we simply follow Him.  And it becomes easier to follow him, when we are physically carrying Him inside ourselves.  I am at my best, when I received Him regularly through the sacrament of the Eucharist. Through that gift, which I deeply want, I become aware of how badly I need Him.

As I prayed in the church, the Friar was kind enough to remove the urn from the tabernacle with the 223 host in it that are almost 300 years old for myself and a few other pilgrims that were there.  I had not expected to get to see the host, since the signage said that it is venerated following Mass of the 17th of each month.  But once again, I will close it out by saying... God is good!

Preach the Gospels at all times and when necessary use words.

The Way of God is beautiful!  So in Medugorje I had the feeling come over me that I wanted to be in Loreto, Italy on September 11 (the significance of this day  is it is the day of my Grandma Brown's birthday).  In Loreto, i would go to the Holy House.  Per tradition, the Holy House is where the Angel of the Lord came to Mary and told her that she would conceive a child through the Holy Spirit and Mary answered with a 'yes' to Gods will.  The house was moved when the Holy Land was lost by the Crusaders and no longer under the protection of the Christians.  For the safe keeping of the house, a family named Angelo moved the stone house.  Thus a legend of Angels moving the house was born. 

Anyways, I followed the holy spirit, took a bus after Mass in Medugorje and arrive in Split that evening.  I purchase my ferry ticket for an overnight ferry, found a church to pray, got wifi to let my family know my whereabouts and I then began walking to board the ship.  I began hearing many people shout 'Ciao Kim' and I see that it is my Italian friends. Due to the language barrier, I had thought they were leaving a different day and now we are on the same boat for the return trip to Ancona and from there they will drive to Loreto to celebrate Mass and then they return to the Naples area.  They offer me a ride on their bus to Loreto the following morning which I accept.  But a bus ride is not why God guided me here.  

So among the group, the many Italian Mamas all have wanted to make sure I was taken care of (my mom would be happy): they fed me, told me to avoid certain groups that were bad spiritually/sects, made sure I knew what was happening at Mass/Rosary, etc.  most of this was done via our chopped English/Italian/Spanish but we also one day found a cafe and used the wifi to use a translator so we could have a conversation.  In addition, to the many Mamas, I also got a new little sister.

This sister was the reason, that God brought me to Split on that day to take the ferry and why he had me come to Loreto on the 11th.  This is where the saying, "preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words," comes into play.  It also simply comes to saying 'yes' to God, even when we do not know in the short-term where we end up (for we know in the long-term where our 'yes' to God will bring us). 

For God did not want my words but simply my actions. He wants our 'yes' and He wants us then to go do what He has told us.  So little sister and I could not have a conversation truly but through simple words in Italian we were able to make do but more important than any words I said, was simply loving.  On the ferry, I learned little sister has a very heavy heart and because of this, she is drawn to me because she wants that joy/freedom.  The freedom and joy we get when we drop the extra baggage, that God never intended for us.  The joy that comes with God.  My point to ponder here would simply be, what baggage do I hold on to?  Am I willing to drop that baggage?  

I do not know little sisters life story or what is happening currently in her life but I do know that she is at a tipping point with God in the best way possible and that soon she will find the rest, joy, and peace through Him that she needs. She just simply must keep saying 'yes', like our Mother Mary.  Without words you can feel someone's  pain and the fixer in me only wants to take it away, but not being able to communicate with words to find out what the problem is makes that impossible.  It also makes me rely on God so much more- literally using His words instead of my own.  To help her on her way, I gave her three scriptures to read- they share God's forgiveness and mercy, His love for us through Jesus' life and death, and God having a place for us.  Every person needs to understand how badly God loves them and how much He wants them.  If we all understood these simple, yet profound truths, I think the world would have peace and joy and not be the world that we see each time we read the newspaper or watch TV.  

In Loreto after Mass, when it was time for the Italians to leave, I said my goodbyes and when it came time for little sister and her mama they cried and of course, that made me cry.  Truly a beautiful part of life, how we weave in and out of each others life and in such a small amount of time, so great of a love can be formed. 

Fitting bible verse from evening vespers:

"To God whose power now at work in us can do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine—to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations, world without end. Amen."-  Ephesians 3:20-21

Prayer & People

My preferred style of prayer is in my mind and heart, but I have realized for many they want to verbally express their prayers be it through speaking or singing.  We all have different learning styles and in the same way we all have different prayer styles.  Just as a teacher must teach to both the student that learns through lecturing as well as the student that learns from hands on experience (among other learning styles); we as a church offer many ways to pray to God.  The silence for me is where I most often meet God and hear God.  I still participate in group prayers and songs, but a lot of times, I will strive to silence out all the noise around me and zone in on the silence I can find within me that God provides.  I am nowhere perfect but I have come a long way from previously being distracted by others. 

 Alas, In Medugorje there were many groups from many countries that were praying in their native language.  This is one thing, which I love about the Catholic Church- our very name means we are universal- even though we do not speak the same language, we have the same faith and we are able to pray together and celebrate Mass together without actually needing to speak the same vocal language because we speak the same spiritual language (from our heart and minds).  Each evening, at the evening prayer service and Mass- we would all gather and say the rosary in our own language.  Then at Mass you would hear the people respond to the Priest in many languages.  Whenever I am with a large community of Catholics from different parts of the world, I have a very strong appreciation for the men and women, who came before and shared the truth to all the corners of the world- starting with the apostles.  So in this very brief blog, I leave you with that thought... Who can I thank for sharing the truth with me?  Most likely there is more than one.  Fitting, I come to that question on the eve of my grandmothers birthday, whom prayers are still with me and my family today from heaven.