Camino de Santiago

Camino log

Where do I even begin about the 40 days I was blessed to be on the camino. To disconnect from talking with my friends so I could hear the most important voice in my life.

I have kept a journal but literally that would be like putting a book on this blog, so I am going to try and narrow down my experience.

First, I hiked the camino France's from st jean pied de port to santiago. There are many camino routes and pilgrims have hiked the camino for centuries. The shell represents many things and is the official symbol of the pilgrim. The shell represents our baptism, the many routes of the camino, as well as follows the legend of st James body returning to Santiago. The pilgrimage begins from your home, so I took a small shell from the house that had been collected many years ago on a family vacation.

Next, I was a bit unprepared for the journey but through the unpreparedness it made me rely on god. Hiking the camino without a real map or guidebook; true use of the language of the locals; or physically training. The 27 pound pack and my injuries constantly gave me a chance to literally carry my cross and to offer up my suffering to The Lord as a very small act considering the great act he did for me and all. Without going into great detail, here are my injuries that happened on the trip (ankle double size, pulled groin - made inclines and declines extra fun, tendonitis, knee and hip pain, plantar fasciitis, blisters, back pain, running fever, congestion, and cold). If I gave a name that is because I had a medical person sleeping next to me that gave me a diagnose. Getting the right stuff from a pharmacy is an entirely different story best told in person - lets just say i rock at charades! Now the reason I talk about the injuries is to simply give god credit for his grace that he bestowed upon me. Normally, the various injuries or illnesses would have made me quit (I saw many people hiking the camino for fun quitting when something happened) but instead I was able to keep on hiking 20 to 30kms each day because for me I had offered this journey up to god and he was with me. As I started out most days feeling the pain I asked god to remove the pain if his will and if I needed the pain for my spiritual growth that I would lovingly accept and offer it up to him for atonement for my sins but more for my love for him. Sometimes the pain would disappear and other times it remained. More than anything, that simple prayer made god my god and not my genie. If I went through my entire camino without pain and suffering it would have not been as enriching of an experience for me.

As I mentioned before, I quit communicating with my friends through commenting back and forth but I did continue to read their prayer request. And everyday as I walked for six to ten hours usually I spent them alone and I was able to vividly recall my family and friends and to pray for their needs (thus known and unknown to me) and I feel closer to most of those people then if i had been back home having dinner with them. Each day, I usually started my morning with the rosary and then the stations. Ever since Lourdes, the stations means so much more to me and I find that I cannot help but using different stations as part of my everyday conversation with fellow pilgrims. Often times when the pain was too great, the incline too much, or the decline too steep - I found myself praying the rosary and mediating on the 20 mysteries over and over again. I found a particular fondness for doing the rosary in order of Christ life.

On the camino, you meet many pilgrims from all over the world and for all types of reasons; those hiking for fun, the challenge, change, etc outweighs those that are intentionally making a spiritual pilgrimage but for all pilgrims you have too much time to reflect on your life to not think about god. Plus the trail, even when a bit out of the way always weaves through the town and passes by the church- coincidence, I think not. I had many conversations but I remember one night with a German fellow that had recently graduated college and my comment to him. After a very long talk on why we each hiked, I simply said, "that is the difference, you hike the camino to find yourself; while I hike to find myself through god." The rest of the conversation went something like: i went on this journey not to find myself but really gods will for my life. if we try to find ourself we will get more lost in selfishness for really we only need to seek god. For seeking god we will find him in everything including ourself. But seeking ourself we sometimes will lose god. Although I am on the camino de Santiago, the truth is I am on the way for myself that leads to god. We each must follow our call and go to him. I have had this talk and so many more meaningful conversations on the camino and it has been a great blessing for me.

Many people I met, left organized religion (which usually meant walked away from god) because of some hurt or misunderstanding. I know my job is not to save them, that alone is for god but I do know that he chooses to use us from time to time and this trip allowed me to be the person to listen and simply share how god has worked in my life and I could see the seed which was planted many years ago by god react to the little water that I shared with them.

I found on the trail and at night at the alburgues or the bar for dinner that I only wanted to have conversations that were meaningful otherwise I would rather be alone in my thoughts with god. Not that I did not have fun but I wanted to have real relationships and conversations otherwise I was wasting this opportunity to withdraw. On the camino, for most people you jump in and get real immediately as oppose to making small talk. It is amazing how quickly you learn so much about someone and how fast the cards are on the table. Here you do not start with what is your name, are you married, have children, what do you do.... Instead you ask why are you walking? Cuts to the core of who we are.

I started recording some of the spiritual graces that I received during my walk and at first I knew it was so I could remember them later on when i got home but then I realized 30 days in that they were intended for a very specific audience.

One such occasion was about providence. I had planned to hike to a certain town when I met some people and the Holy Spirit guided me to stay with them. That led me to meeting a guy from San Antonio on the trail and we had an amazing two hour talk about our faith. Then that night at the bar, I met up with him and we continued talking. Then some people he had met before sat at the same table. Through providence, the Dutchman shared he had lost his rosary on the first day of the camino which someone had given him for the trip. Without hesitation, I reached in my pocket and told him I wanted him to have mine. It was made by my faith community and I knew it was for him. He left with the girl from Galloway because they wanted to go see the cross before sunset. Four hours later, I felt these arms come around me and the Dutchman gave me a kiss on the cheek. He told me that earlier that day he felt like life was not worth living and asked god for a sign. He had felt abandon and losing the rosary so early on had just confirmed his thoughts. Then, on the day he asked for a sign a complete stranger hands him their rosary and he knew he was to live and god was with him. For the next few days I would run into the Dutchman on the trail or at the bar and Galloway told me he had not stopped smiling and wore the rosary always around his neck so he would not lose it. You see when I gave up my plans and let the Holy Spirit guide me it was amazing watching the Holy Spirit work through me- I saw countless ways that had I been on my plan I would have completely missed. The silence gave me much more time to hear and feel god working through me and to do his will.

There are many ways to do the camino, just as there are many people doing the camino for many reasons. I wanted to carry my cross and my backpack symbolized that - while many choose to send there bag by transport everyday. The locals joke - especially near the end of the camino is; little backpacks and big shells. Others hike a few days into or out of a major city and then take a bus to the next major city. While others hike maybe ten km daily and then take a taxi the next 15-20kms every single day. For me and what I will recommend is - once you start walking do not stop until you reach santiago. The constantly getting on and off the camino makes it more like a trip or vacation opposed to a actual pilgrimage. I realized, not everyone can walk away for 40 days like me but if you do the camino, just give yourself time and start at a distance that is right for you even if it is just the last 119km.

Initially on the camino, during the first part of the inclines and declines in the Pyrenees, I constantly thought about my sins and my failures. Yes, I know god has forgiven me but sometimes forgiving ourselves is the harder thing to accept. Then at some point in the middle section, I felt as if I had truly forgiven myself and just enjoyed the walk. This is when I entered the silence both internally and externally. If there was a section to go to the silence the middle part was great because most pilgrims skip this part. Literally in ronsavalles (people that hiked from st jean or people starting there) we had over 300 people and in the middle part I would go an entire day without passing another pilgrim or being passed. The final part for me was about being sent out into the world. Embracing what god wills for me and giving into him, 100%. In santiago, I was able to find a priest whom spoke English and as the church was closing the nuns held it open for us, he took my confession and spoke to me of the new evangelization. What my ending thoughts on the camino - where to go from here- was being said to me in the confessional, truly remarkable.

To close out my camino trip, I want to go back to the pain and suffering. It was about day 30 that my groin was pulled which cause non-stop pain. Every incline and decline hurt. I could only take small steps and they got smaller. I went from 4-6km an hour depending on the terrain to only 2.5km on flat terrain. Bending my leg to get dress, undress, in and out of the sleeping bag was excruciating. Remind you this comes from the girl that hike/ran 10 miles when she had been burnt on her leg to her nerve or the same person that gets run over by a truck and then keeps on going. So this pain was bad, but as I said god gave me the grace and strength to keep walking. So day 39, I arrive after the physically hardest day because the pain is getting worse and worse each day I keep walking. I shower and treat the ankle and foot for the swelling and lay in bed elevating my leg and under the covers because it is cold. I know this town offers mass at 6:30 but I never saw the church on my way in and our hospitale does not speak English. In my head, I give the excuse that I attended mass yesterday and tomorrow I will be in santiago so I could just skip dinner and mass and stay in bed. Then I think, no the entire reason I am here is to grow closer to god and nothing brings me closer to god then mass. So I get up and begin the pilgrim shuffle (slow baby shuffle of your feet walking). As I get outside it is raining and I give the excuse I am already cold and now I will get wet and possibly more sick, I should just get back in bed. I turn around and head inside, where I grab my poncho and put it over my coat and begin the pilgrim shuffle out the door. I stop and ask for the church and the fellow points and I walk down the hill. The pain is great and I do not see a church and As I get further, I think of having to walk back and I tell myself my third excuse. You do not see the church and you are tried, just go back. Then I cast aside that thought, flag down a tractor and ask de donde Iglesia. He points the opposite direction and I walk a good way to the church. As soon as I get in and kneel to pray, I realized those excuses were really from the devil, trying to keep me from attending mass. About ten nights prior as I talked with Danny and his dad, the dad shared that as we got closer we would be under even more spiritual warfare because the devil does not want us making pilgrimages to grow in our faith but also to help others grow in theirs. I smiled, knowing I had overcome these three very small but very real temptations to skip mass. The mass was in Italian, but what I heard during the homily is many people walk fast on the camino and take photos or grab stamps but they miss the reason for the camino - it is this, the most important thing is the mass. As I left church, i notice I was taking longer strides then I had in weeks and I did not feel the groin pain as I had. I smiled and literally gave god a high five and just felt on fire with god. It was a beautiful moment for me.

So this gives a little insight to my camino experience and you all know me, I have more to say but feel this gives you enough to understand my experience. Thank you for the prayers and god bless. Tomorrow I head to fatima.