Silence & Speech

As i have previously mentioned, my ability to speak French has prevented me from having many conversations and I have joked about drawing pictures to explain what I want or pointing to a word for the place I seek. But the reality is this force silence- part my choosing (since I came on this trip knowing I did not try to learn the language) and part God allowing, has caused me to be able to do more internal thinking as well as more communicating with God.

I brought with me to read my bible and the imitation of Christ and each day I have enjoyed the spiritual lessons that continue to unfold. Although I had read it before, I wanted a small book to hike with and one that I could read over and over again and never get tired of. It's an old Christian classic but still a great read. It was actually when I was reading story of a soul by st Therese of lisieux that i came to find out about imitation of christ by Thomas Kempis. As a child it was a book that st therese read and she would constantly recite from. Oh, the formation that Therese would receive from this book. Back on topic, so I was reading from it and it talked about seeking silence rather then spending time in idle gossip.

After all gossip rarely has ever done any good for me and usually from what people have told me, i get more upset then had I not know anything to begin with. Yet we cannot help but seek gossip or can we? Easy to say for the person that is unable to communicate with anyone face to face! I will admit that the majority of my confessions have had to do with my speech or thoughts. To grow inwardly, first I became aware of how often I was doing this- the root of this sin for me was judging others. But the bible tells us to not judge and yet I still fall short more often then I would like to admit. You see spiritual growth is an internal growth and the outside might look good but we know when the inside is dirty.... No matter who else thinks it is clean.

All of our speech should be worthy. Oh, I do not even think I could begin to count the pointless conversations that I have had in my life. I think about the amount of time spent talking and being responsible for others and now to be at a point where I am responsible for no one as well as no one but God to talk to and I think I could live the life of a hermit... but then I enjoy talking too much. Like two nights ago at dinner, I was served dinner and had not a clue what kind of meat it was , did it come from a cow, pig, chicken, etc and I thought that Kristina and Ben would get a kick out of my dilemma.

Anyways, my challenge for myself, will be to use this time to work on my spiritual muscle of silence; so that when I am around friends and family again, that I will not participate in gossip but rather only speech that lifts up. I would also challenge you to do the same, begin my simply recording when you partake (listening counts) to gossip. Of course, sometimes you are one that one comes to as a counselor and this does not mean you should turn the person away but rather be select in who you discuss you feelings, thoughts, and concerns with as the person should be wiser then you as well as have a love for the Lord.

As I set in the Carmel chapel in lisieux, I think about how st Therese had a nun that bother her and instead of being annoyed, st Therese gave it to God and loved her even more to the point that the nun thought she was Therese's favorite. I remember in college that in my group, intervarsity there were two people that for what ever reason annoyed me - literally anything they did annoyed me and yet they had done no harm to me. I remember praying every night for about a month to love them and my heart was opened and I was able to love them sincerely and form friendships with them. As previously posted, we just need to ask our God. If we open our heart to God then He will open it to the world.