Heading off again....

The trip has begun!  I really do not know why to expect from this pilgrimage.  My last pilgrimage, which I went on this time last Fall provided so much more then I could ever imagine and the graces given to me by God were abundant on that trip.  Then after that trip, I returned seeking to keep God the center and not get distracted by people and things. The past ten months went by fast between spending time with family (including the birth of my youngest nephew, Benjamin), volunteering with youth ministry, writing the book, giving lectures, and visiting religious communities.   This summer when I clearly heard Gods call to religious life, it made me more conscious and aware of my time.  Unfortunately, like many I had often taken my time for granted.  

So I left this morning from my sisters house in Richmond and flew to JFK, where I have a 13-hour layover before flying on to Nice.  I originally thought the layover would allow me to finish the Confessions of Augustine (today as I began praying the office I realize the church honors St. Monica - Augustine's mom, how appropriate).  So as I thought about my time in New York, I wonder what I would want to do.  I have been to New York a number of times and have seen all the sites.  I do enjoy the theater and so I looked at the Broadway shows and thought that none stood out that I had not already seen on Broadway. I thought of the different restaurants and other then some pizza and possibly a cannoli from Little Italy, once again... Nothing really stood out.  The only thing that seemed to attract me, was going to Mass.  On every trip to New York, I have traveled the city (and on most trips acted as tour guide for my students) and we would go to the Cathedral of St. Patrick but I never had attended a Mass in it.  Now days, I try my best to attend daily mass as it is the best part of my day as well as helps me to be a better person.   So Mass at theCathedral is what I came for.  The Cathedral is under major renovation and like many tourist sites people are coming all around, but at the back of the church where the tabernacle sits, it is very quite.  There I got to pray and talk to God before Mass.  

That's where the question of what am I expecting from this trip came up.  My answer, is simply to let God show me whatever He wants to show me and for me to learn whatever He wants to teach me.  God is a far better planner, then I ever was or will be as well as He is a far better tour guide, so I am just going to trust and go.  If he changes my route, there is a reason for it and I may never see the reason or result like the rosary to the Dutchman but I know He has it under control.

God has already been kind but having me talk with two men after Mass that work at the Cathedral and they were kind enough to let me go down in the crypt where the Bishops of New York lay at rest, including Fulton Sheen (as an adult I always liked to hear my grandmother speak of him and his gentleness).  God is good!  

Once again, remember the blog rules... I do not re-read and so if grammar mistakes drive you crazy, this might not be the blog for you.  

Dating & Religious Life

I have come to realize, that finding the right religious community is a lot like finding the right person to marry.  

If you go back in your memory to before you started dating, you will realize that before you ever dated you began to create a mental list of things you like.  This list could be based on our dads, what we saw on television or the movies, from our siblings, as well as our friends.   Of course, for most of us that list began fairly superficial and was based on mainly factors we could see.

Then as we got older and started dating, we began to add to the list.  Sometimes it was based on things we liked or disliked.   Hopefully, as we got older, the items on the list became more focus on the core of who someone was as opposed to the exterior factors from our childhood.

Somewhere around 25 years old, I quit dating just to date and would only go on a second or third  date with someone if I actually could see myself wanting to marry that person someday.  I honestly wish, this would have been the way I viewed dating before, but better late then never.  So often, when we date just to date or have fun, the longer we are with someone, the harder it becomes to end the relationship even though we know it will never go anywhere nor would we wish to be attached to that person for the rest of our life.

Well how the dating story should end for many is.... They meet someone that they are able to build a strong friendship with, that person helps them to be a better person and vice versa (interdependent relationship), there is true love, and after a period of courtship they get married.  They view the marriage as a sacred gift and commit to themselves and God to be faithful until their death.  When a couple marries, they do not know how long they will have together but together they begin working as a team to produce fruit.  

Whenever I have dated someone over the past few years, one of my questions I asked before dating them was, would my ministry be greater with them or would I be able to do more for God as a committed single.  If I did not see that I would have a greater ministry with someone, I simply did not date them or ended the relationship.   So that is one of the questions, I also asked myself when I began considering religious life as a sister.  Would my ministry be greater as a sister in a community as opposed to being a committed single or married.   Mother Teresa of Calcutta was great by herself but imagine how much more fruit her ministry brought forward through her community of sisters.  Mother was in one community but she left that community because God was calling her to another community which would provide an abundance of fruit, I do not think Mother could have ever imagine the fruit that would come forth from her new community.  Thus, we learn we must listen to God and go where He calls to live the most fulfilling life.

So as I have begun looking at religious communities, I approach it very similar to dating.  Plus, it is the easiest way to describe, since I know the majority of people view religious life as a sister, brother, monk, etc as something that you read about in history books or see occasionally in an old film.

First, God has designed each one of very uniquely and so the things that I find attractive may not be the same things that someone else finds attractive.  No two husbands are exactly alike and in the same way, no two communities are exactly alike.  Like middle-school Kim before I started dating, I knew what I thought was attractive.  Then as I gained more experience and matured, I knew things that I wanted and these became concrete standards.  There was no sense to invest time, with a guy and now a community, if I did not see myself spending the rest of my life with them.   I have always believe we can learn from every person and situation, even if it is what not to do.  Yes, there have been some communities I have visited and knew it was not the community for me but I also knew I could learn something from them.  In the same way, we might date someone and realize, that is not who we are suppose to be with but we can remain friends as long as it is a positive and healthy relationship.  Of course, if we realize it is a negative relationship, we should remove ourself from the relationship and friendship to avoid and further harm.  

So as many of you know, I have been visiting different religious communities to find the community that God wants me at, so I can begin what should be the rest of my earthly life, loving and serving Him.  Two and half years ago my grandmother watered a seed which had been planted long ago but was in a severe drought condition, when she asked me if I was planning on becoming a nun.  At the time, I was not consciously thinking about this but as I have referenced before, it really made me ask myself, do I want Gods will for my life (like I say I do, each time I profess the Our Father) or was I wanting my will.  This made me extremely sad, to realize that I had been holding back my entire self from God and thus began the process of opening up and really seeking Gods will for my life, even if that included a vocation to the religious life as a sister.

I have had the chance over the past year in half to meet a number of different religious communities and sisters and to learn what is it that I find attractive.  I have also had some trusted friends along the way give advice and recommendations based on them knowing me.  The best recommendation, came from a friend that entered an order a year ago and she recommended I look into the CMWSR website to find a community.  My friend knowing me and knowing what I had liked and not liked about the religious communities I had visited recommended this group, since the religious communities associated with it would meet the mental list that was being formed in my head of what I found attractive.

So anyways, my most recent visit to a religious community was with the School Sisters of St. Francis in Panhandle, Texas.  Immediately upon arrival at their convent, I noticed a tug at my heart.  I believe God was calling me to pay attention.  Each of the active religious communities I had visited before, I had known God was telling me 'no' to and in someways I had expected a similar disappointment here.  But something was different.  From that first tug when I entered the convent doors, I knew to take in everything.  

That first day for me, began with evening prayers (one part of the Liturgy of the Hours) which was my first evening prayers in the USA that truly spoke to my heart.  As a side-note: Oversees in France, Spain, and Portugal even though I could not speak the language I had fallen in love with the Liturgy of the Hours.  Then after evening prayers it came time for dinner. They began and ended the meal with prayer as well as a short spiritual reading.  At dinner, I remember noticing two things that I filed away, first, all the sisters radiated joy- it was not just one or two of them, but each truly had joy.  The second thing, was the family, that these sisters had created.  They are a smaller order- 18 in the US at this Texas Convent but that size allows them to foster and keep a family spirit. Where they really know one another. 

The sisters schedule allows for community prayer four times a day from the Liturgy of the Hours, daily mass, as well as other times for personal and group prayer.  The sisters have two mission houses where hey serve at two Catholic schools and I was able to visit one of them during my visit.  The other sisters at the motherhouse then work on various task and services that are needed for the greater community.  One of the things I learned that I found attractive was the Franciscan spirit that did guide what I witness during my visit.  The way the Sisters truly loved one another was also another gift of their community.  One of the acts of charity I remember was when I was helping a sister make a meal in the kitchen.  In the kitchen we are working on an island and another sisters walks into the room and asks if she could get us a drink.  It was a small act of kindness, so simple and yet something about that struck me.  Literally, we were two feet away from the kitchen sink, if we wanted a glass a of water and yet this sister saw us working and went out of her way to offer this act of love.  Even as I write that, it seems so simple and yet so great.  Maybe because I am in awe of people that constantly show love in simple ways that in our culture will be overlooked since we are always looking for great things.  Truly, I believe those small acts of love done regularly out of love are far greater then the grandest act of service we can imagine that do not have love at their root.

The week was focus always on Christ and everything else was just something that needed to be done but the focus always remain on Christ and not the task.  I was able to speak with a number of sisters as well as partake in some of their community life: prayers, work, ministry, meals, and recreation.  I consider myself blessed to have been able to visit that community and I left not knowing if God was calling me to that order but it did help me to be concrete in some of the things that I find attractive and felt drawn to in religious life.  I also know that I did not get a 'no' from God which has happened with the other active orders I have visited.  It was kind of awesome to go from visiting with the sisters and embark on a 24-hour drive to my sisters, so that I could have that car time to talk to God about the experience and clarify my thoughts.  

Things that I do know, is I would encourage anyone females considering religious life or even interested in knowing more to visit with the school sisters of st. Francis as well as I emailed some of the Priest helping me in my discernment to let them know this would be a good local order (or as local as they come) to recommend to other females that come to them in discernment.  I will take this with me as I head oversees and spend some time alone with God to hopefully come to know His will for me.

So to tie this back to where I began about dating and religious life, my visit with the School Sisters of St. Francis was a good one and it helped me clarify the qualities that I find attractive.  Also it let me know that just like dating, it is a process.  Even if you find the right community, you will spend time getting to know that community before you ever start dating.   Then once you think that is the community for you, you become a bit more serious and exclusive in your dating.  That's when you go off and begin the initial formation process of postulancy, novitiate, etc.  Once you think this is the community for you, you then get engaged and that would be the temporary vows and then once you know this is where God is calling you for the rest of your life, you except the marriage proposal and take your final vows.

If you are interested in the School Sisters of St. Francis you can find out more at http://www.panhandlefranciscans.org/ or contact Sister Mary Michael, their Vocation Director.  

Carmel in Arlington

So staying true to seeking God's will in my life, I have begun visiting with various religious communities to discover where God is calling me.  On May 9, I was at daily mass, celebrating Ascension Thursday when after communion I felt God calling me to religious life.  So I began to look into specific communities that would allow me to live-in with them for a week to see if that is the community God is calling me to.  So.....

Arriving on Monday at the Carmel Convent in Arlington, a day after finishing a week long retreat with our youth was like entering another world.  Both worlds were focused on God but in completely different ways.  

As I entered the doors of the monastery, oI spoke to a Sister through a turn (imagine a revolving door but a 1/4 of the size and solid wood so you cannot see through it).  After giving me instructions on where my room was and telling me that Mother would call for me when she was ready to speak to me, she turn the turn around,so I could get my room key.  I then enter through the guest quarter doors and spent a whole 2 minutes pulling my clothes out of my bag to hang up and then I waited to be called.

It was at this point, I thought how fitting it was,that today should be the memorial day of Martha as I sat on my bed eagerly  waiting to be called.  Unlike the week before,there was nothing to be done by me.  I simply was to wait.  Kind of parallels my vocation story.  About an hour later,I got the call to meet the Sister over the novices and we had a good chat in the speak room.  She sat on the cloister side with the grille separating us and I on the visitor side.  She came to go over the Divine Office with me and it was nice to get certain questions I had answered.  Since my main experience with the Liturgy of the Hours has mainly been in foreign languages.

From there it was quiet time, vespers, more quiet time, dinner, walk doing the rosary, more quiet time with spiritual reading, compline followed by matins, and then off to bed.  The following day I would arise at 5:30am for lauds, quiet time with spiritual reading, mass, terce, breakfast, quiet time, meet with Mother, sext, lunch, walk doing the rosary, quiet time with spiritual reading, and then the day continued as I had started the day before and again the cycle remains the following day.  Monastery life is set in routines and they date back to the early church.   I recently read the Rule of St. Benedict and many practices are still the same today.

The Sisters of Carmel spend their life devoted to prayer.  Just as St. Teresa of Avila (who had reformed the order 400 years before) and St. Therese of Lisieux had done in their lifetimes.  Prayer for the Church, the world, family, friends, priest, and those they have never met.  They pray in union with the entire church throughout the world through the Liturgy of the Hours but the prayer also continues during their work.  The Sisters mainly work on manual labor and task which do not require thoughts so they can keep their focus on God.

No matter the vocation, one will do in life, to be done well, they all require sacrifice.  For me and my personality, I know living this life would be the greatest sacrifice on my part.  But I know if it is Gods will, He will give the grace needed if I am simply obedient to Him.  Talking with Mother, it made me smile when she said, "none of us are worthy of this life but God picks us."  We alone are not worthy but God makes us worthy and part of that process is doing His will.

Even though the sisters I spoke with have been in the cloister life for thirty or more years, they still were up to date on the world.  In addition, both of them radiated joy in their vocation as well as shared beautiful thoughts on religious life and spirituality.  Avoiding small talk as well as idle talk, makes the words they say, mean that much more.  The Carmelites live in community but they live as hermits in community.  Exterior silence is a large part of whom they are.  

The Spirit never led me one way or another, so I am not ruling out the cloister life but will continue looking.  Next stop is with the Incarnate Word Sisters.

The Sisters of Mount Carmel have daily mass at 7:30am and it is open to the public, so if you have never been to a cloister it is a great opportunity to see one while getting to celebrate the Mass.  Their address is 5801 Mount Carmel, Arlington, Texas.  To participate in the Liturgy of the Hours, schedule a visit, or donate to the Sisters, contact Mother Anne Theresa at http://www.carmelnuns.com

Lent and our Pope

The season of lent is among us. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday which for many of us, gives us a jump start in our spiritual lives. For the life of a Christian is always about constantly improving and recommitting to our baptismal promises.

During lent, we are given the opportunity to take a look within ourselves for self-examination and the church recommends prayer, fasting, and almsgiving to help us. For many, lent is just about giving up something but often this is very empty with no life-changing impact. In reality we should look at incorporating our Lenten exercises grounded in our pursuit of living an authentic Christian life... Aka our call to holiness.

Thus, when we decided to fast and deny ourself candy, alcohol, meat, etc during lent; we need to constantly think of those in the world whom do not get to eat, have fresh water to drink, etc. In addition, we become aware of how much we take for granted and we fail to give God true thanks for the abundance He has given us. Then as we are called to share our gifts, we can take that money that we would have spent on the item we are fasting from and in turn donate to a charity that can assist others. You see we profit nothing, if we decided to fast from dr. Pepper and instead switch to coke. Yes, my preference is dr. Pepper, but am I truly gaining something by switching to coke during lent. But instead, if i give up dr. Pepper and every time, I craze one or would have purchased once, I set aside the money I would have spent as well as think of those who go with out clean water. Then at the end donate it, to an organization that helps to bring food to those in need.. That would have been a good spiritual growth opportunity.

But lent and fasting does not only apply to food, we can also fast from hobbies that take away our time or attention from God.... Facebook, video games, movies, tv shows, etc. so in this, we might look at one of our activities which drains our time and is not helping us in our Christian lives so we decide to fast from it. In turn we take that extra time we now have to pray, read scripture, volunteer, attend daily mass, etc.

What I love about the church in so many ways, is the more I learn about it, the more sense I see it makes. For example, lent is a 40 day journey to grow in holiness. We see in the bible the significance of 40, but we also see Jesus taking 40 days in the wilderness to pray and there He was tempted. So during our 40 day journey we know we will be tempted, yet we also know God gives us the grace to overcome temptation. From a modern day culture, we often hear leadership experts tell us that if we desire to create a new habit or get rid of a bad habit, It takes 40 days. Long before modern psychology, the church knew the power of 40 days and now modern science supports this idea of 40 days to being a new person.... Huh, new person... That's what our baptism calls us to be!

The goal of lent and encouraging us to each do more fasting, praying, and almsgiving then we normally do, is to help each one of us to be stronger and better Christians then we were prior to lent, but our Lenten growth should not end when Easter comes. We should continue to grow and continue to outdo our previous years Lenten promises. For what great leader makes the same goals year after year... No they make goals that build off of the previous years goals.

One of the areas that I struggle in, is in my thoughts and words. So last year, I kept a little brown book in my pocket and wrote down each of my failures. This spiritual exercise made me aware of just how much or how often I had bad thoughts or engaged in bad conversations. Each time, i realized my failure, i pulled out the book and wrote in it and prayed for help as well as tried to say something positive about the person. As the season of lent continued, I noticed that I was being converted, in that I did not have to write in my book as often as I first had to do. So as part of my continued growth, this year I plan to say a decade of the rosary whenever I fail in my thoughts or words.

Last but not least, we enter the season of lent with pope Benedict the Xvi recent decision to leave the papal office. I have much respect for this great theologian and personally have been enriched by his leadership. I will mourn for the loss of this pope but I am also excited for whom God will have lead His people next. None of us have ever been in a role with as great of responsibility as that of the pope and yet in my small way I am processing his decision. A pope has not only the right but the duty to step down when he is no longer capable of being the head shepherd of the lords people. For a man that has always been seen striving to know God, love God, and serve God it should come as no surprise that upon him feeling, he was no longer able to best serve Gods people to whom God had entrusted Them to, that it was his duty to step down and freely leave the seat of Peter.

Pope Benedict xvi said: "After having repeatedly examined my conscience before God, I have come to the certainty that my strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry."

Each of us, have many roles and responsibilities and we must always make sure through prayer and examination of our conscience that we are serving God and putting His will and His people above our own desires and dreams. Sometimes, we get caught up in the status of the world or being the head of a ministry and somewhere we forget the reason we initially joined that ministry. Our pope has just shown true character, going from the greatest seat of honor to the lowest, according to our societies standards. He now plans to serve the church through a life dedicated to prayer since his abilities to serve physically and mentally are coming to an end.

So as lent begins, let us each commit to praying for the church and our leaders. Let us each give thanks to the witness that our pope has given us and that we too may examine our conscience to see where God is calling us and then not be afraid to go. We hear the words calling us this lent, "do not be afraid!"

Coming

I have been given the opportunity to write a reflection each week of Advent for a church and it has given me a greater appreciation and understanding of a season that I have celebrated since my childhood.  The word Advent comes from the Latin word meaning ‘coming’.  The Advent season gives us a chance to celebrate the coming of Christ through his birth as well as to prepare ourselves for His second coming.  

Advent is composed of the four Sundays prior to Christmas and ends at sundown on Christmas Eve.  For many of us, as children we remember at home and church an advent wreath composed of three purple and one pink candle.  Each week as we gathered for dinner we would light a specific candle.  As a kid, the Advent wreath was like the Christmas calendar that served as a countdown until that wonderful day of gifts– you know Christmas!  

Well, as I have had the chance to write about each week and the scripture readings for that week.  I have grown in my appreciation of Advent and anticipation for Christ.  I look at the advent wreath and instead of a tradition, I see purple candles representing our Kings royalty, a pink candle representing the joy we have, an evergreen wreath representing life, and finally the flames that represent our burning desire for Christ.  Think about the advent candles; the first Sunday we light only one candle and it burns by itself signifying our waiting and anticipation for our Lord.  Then each week, we light one more candle and by the end four candles are burning and hopefully this represents also our desire on the inside that we have grown and intensified in our burning desire we have for our Lords coming.  Of course, we are not only to anticipate and rejoice in our Lord’s coming once a year but I find for me it is good to have a reminder each year and it helps prepare me for the months that lay ahead.

God is joy and as the family of God He calls us and gives us joy.  We give gifts to family and friends because we love them and want to bring them joy.  Well God has a gift for each of us this Christmas and it will not be a toy or a new outfit that will be opened with delight and then forgotten about in 6-months.  God’s gift is timeless and is His son, Jesus Christ.  Jesus came to us as a gift of our Father’s mercy; He does not desire a life and death of a sinner for us but desires us to be converted and to live in peace and joy here and forever in heaven with Him.

In Advent we get to read about the preparations made for Christ from the perspective of Joseph (his earthly father), Mary (his mother), and John the Baptist (his cousin).  The forth Sunday we read about John leaping in his mothers room upon hearing Mary’s greeting and knowing that Christ was in his midst (inside of Mary’s womb).  Mary was the first Tabernacle to carry Christ and she brought Christ to all whom she came in contact with.  2,000 years later, we too are tabernacles and are called by our Baptism to bring Christ to others.  Do others leap with joy when we greet them?  Can others feel the presence of Christ when we enter a room?  This should be our goal, not only during Advent but all through the year.  That through our actions and speech, others will know Christ is among us.  It is not through our own confidence or greatness that others will know Christ is among us but our willingness to be his servant and allow Him to lead us in all of our life.  May we proclaim and give our lives as readily as Mary, as she proclaimed, “I am the handmaid of the Lord.  May it be done to me according to your word.”

Teaching & Thanksgiving

Sometimes as adults we fail to break down things to meet people where they are.  In some areas I am more knowledge then others and I am sure I have been guilty of trying to teach them yet failing to meet them where they are at in their level of understanding.  In the same way, I know others have talked over my head on things that I do not understand and in all honesty not always as interested in because it does not seem relevant to me (aka cars).

But a good teacher is always able to speak and teach at the level of their audience.  This is why education majors learn many different ways that people learn as well as ways to engage their audience so they are able to see if their audience understands the content.

Yesterday at mass in Corsicana, I was able to see a wonderful example during the morning mass attended by the elementary school children.  The children from the very beginning were active participants on their level.  As they entered the church they walked to the altar and left can food items for those that are less fortunate.  After leaving the items at the foot of the altar they each bowed in respect to the ultimate gift of love made by Christ for us.  They then took their seats and mass began.  Like many school masses, the students made the choir, the readers, and altar servers but following the gospel reading by Father Jason, he called the eighth grade class up to perform a skit based on the gospel reading that the class wrote.

Through this effort, the eighth graders dug into the reading to understand the words of God more fully then if they had just read it in advance.  You see, not only did they need to know the story but they had to be able to interpret the story of Jesus healing ten and only one returning to give thanks and praise to be able to retell the story in a modern way to the entire school.  The students did a great job of retelling this story and telling it in terms that all children could understand.  They did it in the format of a news-reporter interviewing Jesus and the ten.  Each of the nine gave an excuse why they did not return to give thanks and praise and these excuses ranged from updating their facebook status or watching a movie.  You see these kids understood the story but they also understood for them what got in the way of them giving thanks to God.

After the skit, Father then talked to the children and asked them what they are thankful for and each gave an account of what they had that they gave thanks for.  Everything we have comes from God and when we realize like Job that nothing is ours but we are given and entrusted these things and people to care for we become much more generous and not so materialistic in our life.  Perspective is amazing and as the Christmas items are out in the stores already and the commercials begin, it is easy to be caught in the mentality of I want, I need, I deserve, but the reality is – nothing that we have is ours, we are only stewards entrusted with it by God.  So do well with what you are given, no matter how large or how small and at the same time give thanks for what you have.  For when we really think about it we have so much. 

On the Camino this was something I was constantly aware of.  With only having what I carried, I became aware of how much I took for granted… washers, dryers, q-tips, dr. pepper, lotion, clothes, car, heating, air conditioning, private bedroom, clean water, hot water, etc.  Before the Camino, I gave thanks for my family, friends, church, job, etc – you know the big things but I never really gave much thought to all the things I used so carelessly in my everyday life.  You see I had the mentality of this is normal or even entitlement while I am not entitled to any of the blessings I have been given and yet for all these years I failed to give thanks to the one whom gave them to me.  So, thanksgiving is coming up and as we gather to give thanks – realize thanks is a daily thing not a once a year activity to share.

Well, I decided to head up to Monserrat for a day trip and I am very thankful that I did not make the Madrid flight and decided to move on to Barcelona. I left early in the morning and after walking, catching a bus, and then the metro... I arrived at the air lift still before it opened. So I was part of the first group to arrive at the mountain and then I headed straight to the basilica. Upon, arrival I first went to see the Madonna statue before the crowds came. As I approached the statue I felt alone and it was so calm and peaceful. There was a woman there with me but the church was empty and beautiful. The Madonna overlooks the basilica and when you ascend the steps there is an opening so everyone in the church can see the Madonna but you can also see the entire church from a birds-eye view.

After I had a good while, I heard the elementary school children coming up the stairs and that gave me my cue it was time to leave. I rode the air tram up with the group and the teachers kept making apologies for the children's excitement but I simply smiled. I cannot even begin to think how awesome it is for the kids school field trip to a religious site and the extreme work the teachers have to do to ensure small children are respectful there and maintain some kind of silence.

As I descended the stairs I opened the small chapel door and entered where I was alone. This small chapel is beautifully decorated and the back of the Madonna statue can be viewed above the altar, every now and then you can see someone touch the exposed part of the Madonna as they offer up there prayers. In the small chapel, I began singing the divine mercy chaplet and just had such a sense of peace and contentment as I prayed. Every now and then, someone enter and I would begin singing quietly to myself, so as to not disturb their prayer but once they left it was all about singing to our lord.

After that, I left and entered the main sanctuary where mass would begin in 30 minutes and read the readings while I waited. The brothers entered first and waited and i was a bit sad seeing that this order only had ten brothers but as the mass began it was truly wonderful watching so many priest precede in. I did not count but I would guess there was over 20! Mass was lovely and I am fairly confident it was not done in Spanish or if it was Spanish it had to be some different kind of dialect then what I have been use to.

After mass, I checked out the Cisneros abat where I wanted to have lunch but of course, lunch does not start until 1:30, because really who wants lunch earlier than that! So I checked out the museum and they had some wonderful Christian paintings, some very old Torah scrolls, as well as some beautiful Christian chalices and monstrances.

After the museum, I went to get a seat for the 1 o'clock boys choir and wow the church was packed. My day had seemed so quiet and now literally the basilica was standing room only with school children setting on the floor. I took a seat on the steps by a side chapel and was there with the Spanish Red Cross. THe boys choir was lovely and there voices truly beautiful... Little angels! After that I headed to lunch and I am glad I waited. By far best meal of my entire trip. The place is classy - good thing I have the entire pilgrim dress thing going on - so I did not stand out at all (yes that is sarcasm).

The day at Monserrat was lovely and although I wanted to see my family especially my nephews for Halloween, I am glad that god had other plans and that I moved on to the next thing instead of forcing my plan (which would have been rerouting through countries to get home, booking a ticket, or waiting at the Madrid airport for the next flight - all of this passed through my mind the other morning). Lately, I have had some dreams of things I needed to teach daisy about my old job or the what is next for me in regards to my life and that is my subconscious saying, 'hey Kim, your trip is coming to an end. now what are you going to do?' and the answer that I have come to about what to do with my life and vocation is just this.

I am going to take a day at a time and try to move each day as I feel led by the Holy Spirit. It has been amazing watching the Holy Spirit work on this trip in my life and had I been stuck on my plan, I would have missed many great moments. I do not think I needed to go this pilgrimage to learn that, but I needed the pilgrimage to create the habit. Depending on which expert you talk to, the say it takes anywhere from 28-40 days to create a new habit.... Well this overachiever gave it 60 days to just let it sink in. But like anything, when push comes to shove, I might fall back into my old way and so this habit of just being led by the Holy Spirit will have to be something I daily remind myself as well as something I will continue have to pray because it has not been my first nature all these years.

This year, the catholic faith is celebrating the year of faith as a chance for us to grow more in our faith. So my question I pose to you, is what new habit are you going to put on in regards to your faith? As well as what one habit will you work on quitting as it prevents you from living your faith?