The Pilgrim

One of the lessons that I learned last year on the Camino about being a pilgrim is that we keep moving towards our ultimate destination.  That is why, unless you were injured or sick, they did not encourage pilgrims to stay in a town more than one day- they wanted us to continue moving forward.   

Having always been a person on the go and usually juggling multiple task at once, I was familiar with going from one event to the next and the continuos movement forward.  Then this past year, of not having any real commitments or plans has been a drastically different lifestyle for me- the Scheduler of Schedules!  I no longer had the 5-7 standing events a week like I did when I worked at NCTC.  Now on an average week, I might have one actual commitment.  So my life got slower, slower in a good way... Allowing me to be more focus and present with God.  Not distracted with so many worldly things. And it was a good year for moving forward personally.

Then, I headed off again on a pilgrimage and although this time I am not required to move on, I have found myself naturally moving on.  I come to see what I came to see and then I find a quiet church or chapel and pray for most of the day and then I am ready to move-on.  I do not want to waste the time I am given.  With the concept of a pilgrim, constantly moving, it helps me to think about the bag I carry and really how little I actually need.   

Ultimately as a pilgrim, we are walking towards heaven and on a path that will bring us nearer to God.  Like this trip and constantly moving and not delaying, I think we too must not delay to get nearer to God.  After all, why would we delay the greatest joy that we can/could ever know?

It is amazing when I look back and see how God has woven this pilgrimage together for me and how everything built upon a previous lesson and how it is all interconnected.  As I referenced the steps in my last blog, we continue to move forward and take that next step as a pilgrim in this world.  Sometimes we do not see the next step but we trust and go where we are led by the Holy Spirit and that next step appears.  I was unsure at some points where God was leading me in my prayer time but I went where I thought I was suppose to go and then I saw the next step.  Truly brilliant how everything came together for me on this trip and how God answered my questions in prayer.  Looking back, it is always easier to see the pattern verses trying to see that pattern when we are in the middle.  I believe everything happens for a reason and there are no random coincidences which makes the sequence of events always that much better when you look at the big picture... It all had a purpose.

So I will leave Rome tomorrow to return to Virginia before making a roundabout way back to the DFW area.  From there, I will keep moving and taking that next step and we will see where that leads!  

Colossians 4:17

Getting to Medugorje

Before heading off to try and make my way to Medugorje, I simply ask Mary to intercede and if i was to go, she would make it work out somehow.  The train from Milano to Ancona was easy enough.  But the public transport in Ancona to the ferry was a bit crazy.  The people told us to wait at the bus stop for the 12 or 20.  I was joined by 2 New Zealand couples and two Aussies.  Between all of us, my Italian was the best which really means my pathetic version of Spanish just with added hand motions was the best.  After 30 minutes - we ask inside because we wanted to make sure and make it through customs to leave the country and make our ferry on time.  Inside tells us to go to the bus stop.  Well I begin reading and realize that the time schedule is color coded by about 10 different categories.  Not by days of the weeks or weekends but literally some buses would only run one day out of the entire month.  

So we begin walking to the ferry port.  Along the way, I simply ask Mary to intercede and to guide me correctly, since everyone is following me and a few of the people are too old to be getting turned around and walking more than needed.  Well we make to the port and I purchase my ferry ticket and with an hour to spare before they allow us to board, I decide on a little hike up to the church on the hill.  Beautiful scenery, beautiful church, but the hill was a good hike.  You know just getting my practice in!

Anyways, on the boat we all gather at the deck for a shared dinner and then I settle in to go to bed.  Awesome conversations today with the many people I met from the travel crew to my bunk-mate.  

We arrive to Croatia around 7:30am and I meet a priest from India that is serving in the Naples Diocese.  He is leading a group to Medugorje and I ask him if he knows when we get to port where the bus station is.  Well, Father John Kennedy takes me under his wing and lets me join his group on their charter bus.  Bam, once again, just feeling blessed by God.  Well, from there Maria, an Italian mama, takes me under her wing - even though she does not speak English.  On the bus, I meet a young woman from Milan that met this outgoing Italian group on the ferry and they brought her under their wing as well and now she is traveling to Medugorje with them as well.  Other then Father, she is the only one that speaks English well enough to have a conversation and we have an awesome Holy Spirit led conversation.  (So the people at my church will find this awesome, as I talked with Father John, we learned that he and Father Victor Cruz are from the same order and he knows him.)

Upon arrival, we depart ways and I begin to find lodging.  I move away from the touristy area and head up the hill near the base of the mountain.  I share a community meal with fellow pilgrims of bread and water and we ate in silence to fast and pray for peace in the world, especially syria and the middle east, per the popes proclamation.  In my meditations today, I really just thought about peace and what causes us to go to war.  Oh, the hearts of men...

So I participate in the evening prayer and mass and then settle in for the evening.  I woke up early and decide to go to walk up cross mountain before heading to the afternoon mass.  On the walk up to cross mountain, there are the stations of the cross and you can pray them during your walk. From there I sat at the top for a few hours and just read my bible and thought.  As I was about to head down, I hear 'Americana' and its my Italian friends.  They are about to walk down and so I walk with them and we begin to pray the rosary.  There are a number of them that are older and need to go a lot slower and so I end up helping one of the women whom has bad legs make our way down the rocky path.  I will say, it is awesome how many older people make this journey because it is a rough path and many would skip it to avoid the pain.

  Sidenote: The cross at the mountain was put there by the town in 1933 in honor of 1900 years from Christ death and resurrection.  

As we walk down, I am going a lot slower then I would have because I am having to show footing and holding the hand for one of the women.  What should have been a less than one hour walk down and to the church becomes a 2 plus hour walk down the mountain.  On my mind is the mass at noon but I do not want to rush the women that are struggling and I simply have the faith that God will take care of it and so I focus on getting them down.  I am truly amazed by Gods grace and protection because I walked a good amount of the way backwards since I was having to hold the ladies hand as she made her steps.  Once again God provides.  

Anyways, about half way down, the women says, 'sorry kim' because she knows we are going slow and I tell her 'gratize, Camino Cruz- cinco- Simon'. She says station 5 and we both laugh.  As we near the bottom, she tells me she will pray 10 Hail Marys for me and I thank her.  Then she says she will do it daily always for my vocation.  On the grand scheme of things, me helping her down the mountain was a very small act.  Yet, her act of daily praying for me and my vocation... All I can say is wow.  I can not express, how beautiful or how much that means to me.  We get to the bottom of the mountain at two minutes until Mass and I take off.  Well, God is good because Mass started 15 minutes late and i got into the church before it began.  Talk about God taking care!

Light & Lyon

So I came to Lyon, to be in the city where St. Irenaeus  taught and fought to protect the churches teachings against the heretics of his day.  St. Irenaeus had heard St. Polycarp, whom was a disciple of the apostle John.  Remind you a completed bound bible as we know it today was not floating around at this time (2nd century) instead the early church fathers had oral tradition and teachings to go along with the scriptures from the old testament along with a few parts of the new testament that had been copied and sent to the various churches.  St. Irenaeus was familiar with the four gospels.  

As I walked the streets of Lyon to the old town, I thought of how appropriate it was that today the church honors St. John the Baptist who died a martyr.  During his life and death he pointed others to Christ and spoke out against the heretics of his own day.  God provides an awesome timeline because in my own planning, I do not think I would have coordinated this.  It was only last Friday that I even decided on what day I would fly out of the country to get into France but oh, the plans of God!

Anyways, the town of Lyon is fairly large and they have many beautiful and ancient churches.   Sadly, many churches are not open all the time or at least during daytime hours but alas, I was never fifteen minutes away from an open church.  I began my walk by heading towards the site where St. Irenaeus church was since it had been destroyed and rebuilt.  Then I continued on to Notre Dame de Fourviere and enjoyed the church and chapels.  The church was designed to appear to be a fort and kingdom all in one, to remind people of the strength of the church and prayers.  The town on multiple occasions, asked the Virgin Mary to intercede for them and in appreciation for being saved by God they built a church in her honor.  I was able to attend Mass and adoration there and after a while I began the walk down the hill.

 

The path zig-zag and there were many times you could decide which path to take but I ultimately ended up at St. philomenas, a very small chapel.  The Francisian sister there, spoke English and told me about the woman, Pauline Marie Jaricot that had built the chapel as a sign of appreciation for St. philomenas intercessory prayer.  She also invited me to stay for Sext prayers that would be happening in a little bit and so I hung around to pray with the other sisters and the Priest that joins them when praying the Divine Office.  On this trip, compared to last time I am much better acquainted with the Liturgy of the Hours and so even though it is in French, I am able to keep up.  

Speaking of the Liturgy, here are some of the things that struck me today:

Office Hymn:

Faith of our fathers, holy faith!

We will be true to thee till death.

Second reading about John the Baptist:

 His persecutor had demanded not that he should deny Christ, but only that he should keep silent about the truth...... But to endure temporal agonies for the sake of the truth was not a heavy burden for such men as John; rather it was easily borne and even desirable, for he knew eternal joy would be his reward

Evening prayer intercessions:

May your Church, in imitation of the Baptist, fearlessly point out the Lamb of God,

– so that people in every age may acknowledge that the Lord comes to them.

Continuing on my day from there I headed out to see some more churches including St. Bonaventures as well as the ancient church, St. Martin d'Ainay.  I have always liked stain glass and one of the things I find really neat is the exterior view verses the interior view.  From the outside, sometimes we cannot even make out the image, it does not draw us in, a d we can walk by without ever noticing it.  Yet when the light is reflecting through the glass from the interior (the way ot is suppose to be viewed from) we see the most magnificent artist creation.  I think it is a lot like us.  Sometimes from the outside, it might not look like much- dirty, dark, and unrecognizable but when we allow Gods light to shine through our interior then we are that most magnificent artwork that God created us to.

Matthew 5:14 "You are the light of the world...."

Heading off again....

The trip has begun!  I really do not know why to expect from this pilgrimage.  My last pilgrimage, which I went on this time last Fall provided so much more then I could ever imagine and the graces given to me by God were abundant on that trip.  Then after that trip, I returned seeking to keep God the center and not get distracted by people and things. The past ten months went by fast between spending time with family (including the birth of my youngest nephew, Benjamin), volunteering with youth ministry, writing the book, giving lectures, and visiting religious communities.   This summer when I clearly heard Gods call to religious life, it made me more conscious and aware of my time.  Unfortunately, like many I had often taken my time for granted.  

So I left this morning from my sisters house in Richmond and flew to JFK, where I have a 13-hour layover before flying on to Nice.  I originally thought the layover would allow me to finish the Confessions of Augustine (today as I began praying the office I realize the church honors St. Monica - Augustine's mom, how appropriate).  So as I thought about my time in New York, I wonder what I would want to do.  I have been to New York a number of times and have seen all the sites.  I do enjoy the theater and so I looked at the Broadway shows and thought that none stood out that I had not already seen on Broadway. I thought of the different restaurants and other then some pizza and possibly a cannoli from Little Italy, once again... Nothing really stood out.  The only thing that seemed to attract me, was going to Mass.  On every trip to New York, I have traveled the city (and on most trips acted as tour guide for my students) and we would go to the Cathedral of St. Patrick but I never had attended a Mass in it.  Now days, I try my best to attend daily mass as it is the best part of my day as well as helps me to be a better person.   So Mass at theCathedral is what I came for.  The Cathedral is under major renovation and like many tourist sites people are coming all around, but at the back of the church where the tabernacle sits, it is very quite.  There I got to pray and talk to God before Mass.  

That's where the question of what am I expecting from this trip came up.  My answer, is simply to let God show me whatever He wants to show me and for me to learn whatever He wants to teach me.  God is a far better planner, then I ever was or will be as well as He is a far better tour guide, so I am just going to trust and go.  If he changes my route, there is a reason for it and I may never see the reason or result like the rosary to the Dutchman but I know He has it under control.

God has already been kind but having me talk with two men after Mass that work at the Cathedral and they were kind enough to let me go down in the crypt where the Bishops of New York lay at rest, including Fulton Sheen (as an adult I always liked to hear my grandmother speak of him and his gentleness).  God is good!  

Once again, remember the blog rules... I do not re-read and so if grammar mistakes drive you crazy, this might not be the blog for you.  

Dating & Religious Life

I have come to realize, that finding the right religious community is a lot like finding the right person to marry.  

If you go back in your memory to before you started dating, you will realize that before you ever dated you began to create a mental list of things you like.  This list could be based on our dads, what we saw on television or the movies, from our siblings, as well as our friends.   Of course, for most of us that list began fairly superficial and was based on mainly factors we could see.

Then as we got older and started dating, we began to add to the list.  Sometimes it was based on things we liked or disliked.   Hopefully, as we got older, the items on the list became more focus on the core of who someone was as opposed to the exterior factors from our childhood.

Somewhere around 25 years old, I quit dating just to date and would only go on a second or third  date with someone if I actually could see myself wanting to marry that person someday.  I honestly wish, this would have been the way I viewed dating before, but better late then never.  So often, when we date just to date or have fun, the longer we are with someone, the harder it becomes to end the relationship even though we know it will never go anywhere nor would we wish to be attached to that person for the rest of our life.

Well how the dating story should end for many is.... They meet someone that they are able to build a strong friendship with, that person helps them to be a better person and vice versa (interdependent relationship), there is true love, and after a period of courtship they get married.  They view the marriage as a sacred gift and commit to themselves and God to be faithful until their death.  When a couple marries, they do not know how long they will have together but together they begin working as a team to produce fruit.  

Whenever I have dated someone over the past few years, one of my questions I asked before dating them was, would my ministry be greater with them or would I be able to do more for God as a committed single.  If I did not see that I would have a greater ministry with someone, I simply did not date them or ended the relationship.   So that is one of the questions, I also asked myself when I began considering religious life as a sister.  Would my ministry be greater as a sister in a community as opposed to being a committed single or married.   Mother Teresa of Calcutta was great by herself but imagine how much more fruit her ministry brought forward through her community of sisters.  Mother was in one community but she left that community because God was calling her to another community which would provide an abundance of fruit, I do not think Mother could have ever imagine the fruit that would come forth from her new community.  Thus, we learn we must listen to God and go where He calls to live the most fulfilling life.

So as I have begun looking at religious communities, I approach it very similar to dating.  Plus, it is the easiest way to describe, since I know the majority of people view religious life as a sister, brother, monk, etc as something that you read about in history books or see occasionally in an old film.

First, God has designed each one of very uniquely and so the things that I find attractive may not be the same things that someone else finds attractive.  No two husbands are exactly alike and in the same way, no two communities are exactly alike.  Like middle-school Kim before I started dating, I knew what I thought was attractive.  Then as I gained more experience and matured, I knew things that I wanted and these became concrete standards.  There was no sense to invest time, with a guy and now a community, if I did not see myself spending the rest of my life with them.   I have always believe we can learn from every person and situation, even if it is what not to do.  Yes, there have been some communities I have visited and knew it was not the community for me but I also knew I could learn something from them.  In the same way, we might date someone and realize, that is not who we are suppose to be with but we can remain friends as long as it is a positive and healthy relationship.  Of course, if we realize it is a negative relationship, we should remove ourself from the relationship and friendship to avoid and further harm.  

So as many of you know, I have been visiting different religious communities to find the community that God wants me at, so I can begin what should be the rest of my earthly life, loving and serving Him.  Two and half years ago my grandmother watered a seed which had been planted long ago but was in a severe drought condition, when she asked me if I was planning on becoming a nun.  At the time, I was not consciously thinking about this but as I have referenced before, it really made me ask myself, do I want Gods will for my life (like I say I do, each time I profess the Our Father) or was I wanting my will.  This made me extremely sad, to realize that I had been holding back my entire self from God and thus began the process of opening up and really seeking Gods will for my life, even if that included a vocation to the religious life as a sister.

I have had the chance over the past year in half to meet a number of different religious communities and sisters and to learn what is it that I find attractive.  I have also had some trusted friends along the way give advice and recommendations based on them knowing me.  The best recommendation, came from a friend that entered an order a year ago and she recommended I look into the CMWSR website to find a community.  My friend knowing me and knowing what I had liked and not liked about the religious communities I had visited recommended this group, since the religious communities associated with it would meet the mental list that was being formed in my head of what I found attractive.

So anyways, my most recent visit to a religious community was with the School Sisters of St. Francis in Panhandle, Texas.  Immediately upon arrival at their convent, I noticed a tug at my heart.  I believe God was calling me to pay attention.  Each of the active religious communities I had visited before, I had known God was telling me 'no' to and in someways I had expected a similar disappointment here.  But something was different.  From that first tug when I entered the convent doors, I knew to take in everything.  

That first day for me, began with evening prayers (one part of the Liturgy of the Hours) which was my first evening prayers in the USA that truly spoke to my heart.  As a side-note: Oversees in France, Spain, and Portugal even though I could not speak the language I had fallen in love with the Liturgy of the Hours.  Then after evening prayers it came time for dinner. They began and ended the meal with prayer as well as a short spiritual reading.  At dinner, I remember noticing two things that I filed away, first, all the sisters radiated joy- it was not just one or two of them, but each truly had joy.  The second thing, was the family, that these sisters had created.  They are a smaller order- 18 in the US at this Texas Convent but that size allows them to foster and keep a family spirit. Where they really know one another. 

The sisters schedule allows for community prayer four times a day from the Liturgy of the Hours, daily mass, as well as other times for personal and group prayer.  The sisters have two mission houses where hey serve at two Catholic schools and I was able to visit one of them during my visit.  The other sisters at the motherhouse then work on various task and services that are needed for the greater community.  One of the things I learned that I found attractive was the Franciscan spirit that did guide what I witness during my visit.  The way the Sisters truly loved one another was also another gift of their community.  One of the acts of charity I remember was when I was helping a sister make a meal in the kitchen.  In the kitchen we are working on an island and another sisters walks into the room and asks if she could get us a drink.  It was a small act of kindness, so simple and yet something about that struck me.  Literally, we were two feet away from the kitchen sink, if we wanted a glass a of water and yet this sister saw us working and went out of her way to offer this act of love.  Even as I write that, it seems so simple and yet so great.  Maybe because I am in awe of people that constantly show love in simple ways that in our culture will be overlooked since we are always looking for great things.  Truly, I believe those small acts of love done regularly out of love are far greater then the grandest act of service we can imagine that do not have love at their root.

The week was focus always on Christ and everything else was just something that needed to be done but the focus always remain on Christ and not the task.  I was able to speak with a number of sisters as well as partake in some of their community life: prayers, work, ministry, meals, and recreation.  I consider myself blessed to have been able to visit that community and I left not knowing if God was calling me to that order but it did help me to be concrete in some of the things that I find attractive and felt drawn to in religious life.  I also know that I did not get a 'no' from God which has happened with the other active orders I have visited.  It was kind of awesome to go from visiting with the sisters and embark on a 24-hour drive to my sisters, so that I could have that car time to talk to God about the experience and clarify my thoughts.  

Things that I do know, is I would encourage anyone females considering religious life or even interested in knowing more to visit with the school sisters of st. Francis as well as I emailed some of the Priest helping me in my discernment to let them know this would be a good local order (or as local as they come) to recommend to other females that come to them in discernment.  I will take this with me as I head oversees and spend some time alone with God to hopefully come to know His will for me.

So to tie this back to where I began about dating and religious life, my visit with the School Sisters of St. Francis was a good one and it helped me clarify the qualities that I find attractive.  Also it let me know that just like dating, it is a process.  Even if you find the right community, you will spend time getting to know that community before you ever start dating.   Then once you think that is the community for you, you become a bit more serious and exclusive in your dating.  That's when you go off and begin the initial formation process of postulancy, novitiate, etc.  Once you think this is the community for you, you then get engaged and that would be the temporary vows and then once you know this is where God is calling you for the rest of your life, you except the marriage proposal and take your final vows.

If you are interested in the School Sisters of St. Francis you can find out more at http://www.panhandlefranciscans.org/ or contact Sister Mary Michael, their Vocation Director.  

Carmel in Arlington

So staying true to seeking God's will in my life, I have begun visiting with various religious communities to discover where God is calling me.  On May 9, I was at daily mass, celebrating Ascension Thursday when after communion I felt God calling me to religious life.  So I began to look into specific communities that would allow me to live-in with them for a week to see if that is the community God is calling me to.  So.....

Arriving on Monday at the Carmel Convent in Arlington, a day after finishing a week long retreat with our youth was like entering another world.  Both worlds were focused on God but in completely different ways.  

As I entered the doors of the monastery, oI spoke to a Sister through a turn (imagine a revolving door but a 1/4 of the size and solid wood so you cannot see through it).  After giving me instructions on where my room was and telling me that Mother would call for me when she was ready to speak to me, she turn the turn around,so I could get my room key.  I then enter through the guest quarter doors and spent a whole 2 minutes pulling my clothes out of my bag to hang up and then I waited to be called.

It was at this point, I thought how fitting it was,that today should be the memorial day of Martha as I sat on my bed eagerly  waiting to be called.  Unlike the week before,there was nothing to be done by me.  I simply was to wait.  Kind of parallels my vocation story.  About an hour later,I got the call to meet the Sister over the novices and we had a good chat in the speak room.  She sat on the cloister side with the grille separating us and I on the visitor side.  She came to go over the Divine Office with me and it was nice to get certain questions I had answered.  Since my main experience with the Liturgy of the Hours has mainly been in foreign languages.

From there it was quiet time, vespers, more quiet time, dinner, walk doing the rosary, more quiet time with spiritual reading, compline followed by matins, and then off to bed.  The following day I would arise at 5:30am for lauds, quiet time with spiritual reading, mass, terce, breakfast, quiet time, meet with Mother, sext, lunch, walk doing the rosary, quiet time with spiritual reading, and then the day continued as I had started the day before and again the cycle remains the following day.  Monastery life is set in routines and they date back to the early church.   I recently read the Rule of St. Benedict and many practices are still the same today.

The Sisters of Carmel spend their life devoted to prayer.  Just as St. Teresa of Avila (who had reformed the order 400 years before) and St. Therese of Lisieux had done in their lifetimes.  Prayer for the Church, the world, family, friends, priest, and those they have never met.  They pray in union with the entire church throughout the world through the Liturgy of the Hours but the prayer also continues during their work.  The Sisters mainly work on manual labor and task which do not require thoughts so they can keep their focus on God.

No matter the vocation, one will do in life, to be done well, they all require sacrifice.  For me and my personality, I know living this life would be the greatest sacrifice on my part.  But I know if it is Gods will, He will give the grace needed if I am simply obedient to Him.  Talking with Mother, it made me smile when she said, "none of us are worthy of this life but God picks us."  We alone are not worthy but God makes us worthy and part of that process is doing His will.

Even though the sisters I spoke with have been in the cloister life for thirty or more years, they still were up to date on the world.  In addition, both of them radiated joy in their vocation as well as shared beautiful thoughts on religious life and spirituality.  Avoiding small talk as well as idle talk, makes the words they say, mean that much more.  The Carmelites live in community but they live as hermits in community.  Exterior silence is a large part of whom they are.  

The Spirit never led me one way or another, so I am not ruling out the cloister life but will continue looking.  Next stop is with the Incarnate Word Sisters.

The Sisters of Mount Carmel have daily mass at 7:30am and it is open to the public, so if you have never been to a cloister it is a great opportunity to see one while getting to celebrate the Mass.  Their address is 5801 Mount Carmel, Arlington, Texas.  To participate in the Liturgy of the Hours, schedule a visit, or donate to the Sisters, contact Mother Anne Theresa at http://www.carmelnuns.com

Lent and our Pope

The season of lent is among us. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday which for many of us, gives us a jump start in our spiritual lives. For the life of a Christian is always about constantly improving and recommitting to our baptismal promises.

During lent, we are given the opportunity to take a look within ourselves for self-examination and the church recommends prayer, fasting, and almsgiving to help us. For many, lent is just about giving up something but often this is very empty with no life-changing impact. In reality we should look at incorporating our Lenten exercises grounded in our pursuit of living an authentic Christian life... Aka our call to holiness.

Thus, when we decided to fast and deny ourself candy, alcohol, meat, etc during lent; we need to constantly think of those in the world whom do not get to eat, have fresh water to drink, etc. In addition, we become aware of how much we take for granted and we fail to give God true thanks for the abundance He has given us. Then as we are called to share our gifts, we can take that money that we would have spent on the item we are fasting from and in turn donate to a charity that can assist others. You see we profit nothing, if we decided to fast from dr. Pepper and instead switch to coke. Yes, my preference is dr. Pepper, but am I truly gaining something by switching to coke during lent. But instead, if i give up dr. Pepper and every time, I craze one or would have purchased once, I set aside the money I would have spent as well as think of those who go with out clean water. Then at the end donate it, to an organization that helps to bring food to those in need.. That would have been a good spiritual growth opportunity.

But lent and fasting does not only apply to food, we can also fast from hobbies that take away our time or attention from God.... Facebook, video games, movies, tv shows, etc. so in this, we might look at one of our activities which drains our time and is not helping us in our Christian lives so we decide to fast from it. In turn we take that extra time we now have to pray, read scripture, volunteer, attend daily mass, etc.

What I love about the church in so many ways, is the more I learn about it, the more sense I see it makes. For example, lent is a 40 day journey to grow in holiness. We see in the bible the significance of 40, but we also see Jesus taking 40 days in the wilderness to pray and there He was tempted. So during our 40 day journey we know we will be tempted, yet we also know God gives us the grace to overcome temptation. From a modern day culture, we often hear leadership experts tell us that if we desire to create a new habit or get rid of a bad habit, It takes 40 days. Long before modern psychology, the church knew the power of 40 days and now modern science supports this idea of 40 days to being a new person.... Huh, new person... That's what our baptism calls us to be!

The goal of lent and encouraging us to each do more fasting, praying, and almsgiving then we normally do, is to help each one of us to be stronger and better Christians then we were prior to lent, but our Lenten growth should not end when Easter comes. We should continue to grow and continue to outdo our previous years Lenten promises. For what great leader makes the same goals year after year... No they make goals that build off of the previous years goals.

One of the areas that I struggle in, is in my thoughts and words. So last year, I kept a little brown book in my pocket and wrote down each of my failures. This spiritual exercise made me aware of just how much or how often I had bad thoughts or engaged in bad conversations. Each time, i realized my failure, i pulled out the book and wrote in it and prayed for help as well as tried to say something positive about the person. As the season of lent continued, I noticed that I was being converted, in that I did not have to write in my book as often as I first had to do. So as part of my continued growth, this year I plan to say a decade of the rosary whenever I fail in my thoughts or words.

Last but not least, we enter the season of lent with pope Benedict the Xvi recent decision to leave the papal office. I have much respect for this great theologian and personally have been enriched by his leadership. I will mourn for the loss of this pope but I am also excited for whom God will have lead His people next. None of us have ever been in a role with as great of responsibility as that of the pope and yet in my small way I am processing his decision. A pope has not only the right but the duty to step down when he is no longer capable of being the head shepherd of the lords people. For a man that has always been seen striving to know God, love God, and serve God it should come as no surprise that upon him feeling, he was no longer able to best serve Gods people to whom God had entrusted Them to, that it was his duty to step down and freely leave the seat of Peter.

Pope Benedict xvi said: "After having repeatedly examined my conscience before God, I have come to the certainty that my strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry."

Each of us, have many roles and responsibilities and we must always make sure through prayer and examination of our conscience that we are serving God and putting His will and His people above our own desires and dreams. Sometimes, we get caught up in the status of the world or being the head of a ministry and somewhere we forget the reason we initially joined that ministry. Our pope has just shown true character, going from the greatest seat of honor to the lowest, according to our societies standards. He now plans to serve the church through a life dedicated to prayer since his abilities to serve physically and mentally are coming to an end.

So as lent begins, let us each commit to praying for the church and our leaders. Let us each give thanks to the witness that our pope has given us and that we too may examine our conscience to see where God is calling us and then not be afraid to go. We hear the words calling us this lent, "do not be afraid!"

Coming

I have been given the opportunity to write a reflection each week of Advent for a church and it has given me a greater appreciation and understanding of a season that I have celebrated since my childhood.  The word Advent comes from the Latin word meaning ‘coming’.  The Advent season gives us a chance to celebrate the coming of Christ through his birth as well as to prepare ourselves for His second coming.  

Advent is composed of the four Sundays prior to Christmas and ends at sundown on Christmas Eve.  For many of us, as children we remember at home and church an advent wreath composed of three purple and one pink candle.  Each week as we gathered for dinner we would light a specific candle.  As a kid, the Advent wreath was like the Christmas calendar that served as a countdown until that wonderful day of gifts– you know Christmas!  

Well, as I have had the chance to write about each week and the scripture readings for that week.  I have grown in my appreciation of Advent and anticipation for Christ.  I look at the advent wreath and instead of a tradition, I see purple candles representing our Kings royalty, a pink candle representing the joy we have, an evergreen wreath representing life, and finally the flames that represent our burning desire for Christ.  Think about the advent candles; the first Sunday we light only one candle and it burns by itself signifying our waiting and anticipation for our Lord.  Then each week, we light one more candle and by the end four candles are burning and hopefully this represents also our desire on the inside that we have grown and intensified in our burning desire we have for our Lords coming.  Of course, we are not only to anticipate and rejoice in our Lord’s coming once a year but I find for me it is good to have a reminder each year and it helps prepare me for the months that lay ahead.

God is joy and as the family of God He calls us and gives us joy.  We give gifts to family and friends because we love them and want to bring them joy.  Well God has a gift for each of us this Christmas and it will not be a toy or a new outfit that will be opened with delight and then forgotten about in 6-months.  God’s gift is timeless and is His son, Jesus Christ.  Jesus came to us as a gift of our Father’s mercy; He does not desire a life and death of a sinner for us but desires us to be converted and to live in peace and joy here and forever in heaven with Him.

In Advent we get to read about the preparations made for Christ from the perspective of Joseph (his earthly father), Mary (his mother), and John the Baptist (his cousin).  The forth Sunday we read about John leaping in his mothers room upon hearing Mary’s greeting and knowing that Christ was in his midst (inside of Mary’s womb).  Mary was the first Tabernacle to carry Christ and she brought Christ to all whom she came in contact with.  2,000 years later, we too are tabernacles and are called by our Baptism to bring Christ to others.  Do others leap with joy when we greet them?  Can others feel the presence of Christ when we enter a room?  This should be our goal, not only during Advent but all through the year.  That through our actions and speech, others will know Christ is among us.  It is not through our own confidence or greatness that others will know Christ is among us but our willingness to be his servant and allow Him to lead us in all of our life.  May we proclaim and give our lives as readily as Mary, as she proclaimed, “I am the handmaid of the Lord.  May it be done to me according to your word.”