Steps

As the day comes to an end and I make my walk back to the convent I am staying at for evening vespers, i begin thinking about steps.  There are the 117 stair steps from the market I go to each night to buy my fruit to my convent and then once inside the convent there are the 59 stair steps up to my room.  Yes, each step I take brings me closer to my goal.  In this case, getting into by room to take off the hiking boots and put on the sandals and freshen up before heading downstairs to the chapel.  But what about the bigger picture of my life and my life goal?  Where are my everyday steps taking me?

Having spent the day, mainly focused on the early fathers of our church and their crosses which they happily carried following Christ to their death, a death by martyrdom, I think of our journey in this world. From the prison chains of Paul and his tomb located in St. Paul's Outside the Walls, 

to Peter's prison chains at St. Peter's in Chains, 

or simply the coliseum where early Christians died for their faith, 

or visiting the church that houses the head of John the Baptist, 

among many more.  It draws me in, to think about these humans that showed extraordinary strength when faced with persecution.  Where did that extraordinary strength come from?  From the very source of strength from their faith in God and the grace He bestows on those that trust in Him.  I reflect back to high school, when our theater department did the play the crucible.  I remember as a 9th grader just thinking, all they had to do was say they denounce God (meanwhile telling God they did not mean it) and that they were a witch and they could save their life (after all God would understand).  It was not until I was in college with my intervarsity group, that somewhere along the way I came to understand, why they gave their life versus denouncing God.  To die for your faith, how many are really willing to make that sacrifice?  

Most of us will never be forced to denounce our faith or die, but everyday we make choices that denounce our faith.  When we are afraid to say a blessing for our meal because we are in public.  When we do not correct someone that has made an inappropriate joke or comment about our faith.  When we fail to give credit to God for the blessing in our life and instead take the credit. In so many ways, we put God aside.  One of the reflections, that I had early on this trip when I was writing the things to help me grow was that everything either brings me closer to God or pulls me away.  I then made a conscious effort to rid myself of those things which distract.  In this case it was simply deleting my card game on the IPAD which I did when I wanted to waste time waiting.

Once again, we are constantly taking steps and hopefully those steps bring us closer to God and not pulling us away from Him.  As I have walked around Rome and down the incline and declines, I thought of a homily by Father Jason Cargo sometime last Fall.  He spoke about his time studying in Rome and he ran a marathon around the city.  About the last 5k, he did not think he could go any further and one of his fellow priest saw Father Jason struggling to take the next steps.  His brother priest, came out of the crowd in his dress clothes (including loafers) and ran the remainder of the way beside Father Jason encouraging him the entire way.  

We are not meant to take our steps alone and together we can bring one another to the finish line to the ultimate goal. I came on pilgrimage alone (yes, God has been with me without a doubt) and yet at every place I have made friends from my Italian Mamas, the French woman Silvia at the halfway house, the Vietnamese pilgrims whom the Monseigneur made a point to tell his joke twice once in Vietnamese and once in English - just so I could laugh with everyone else, the Indian sisters and Priest from the Papal Audience that are expecting me to come to their place, or the Holland gang that I spent part of the day with as we discovered a hidden tomb and walked around a cemetery together.  Our pilgrimage in this world is not meant for us to take it alone.  So instead of hiding our faith, share your faith.  As Jesus told the disciples, 'do not be afraid.'  I think fear is what causes most of us to not speak up or act out on our faith.  Our society is all about being politically correct but part of being politicically correct, is allowing you to live your faith while others can coincided and live their faith.  After all, you never know when acting on your faith, living your faith will draw someone else into the faith.  So start where you are and begin making steps, even if they are slow at first, kind of like me doing the final steps to my room each night after vespers!  Then as you begin making steps to get to your ultimate destination be like Father Jason's friend and help someone else whom is struggling to take their next step!  God Bless!

Prayer & People

My preferred style of prayer is in my mind and heart, but I have realized for many they want to verbally express their prayers be it through speaking or singing.  We all have different learning styles and in the same way we all have different prayer styles.  Just as a teacher must teach to both the student that learns through lecturing as well as the student that learns from hands on experience (among other learning styles); we as a church offer many ways to pray to God.  The silence for me is where I most often meet God and hear God.  I still participate in group prayers and songs, but a lot of times, I will strive to silence out all the noise around me and zone in on the silence I can find within me that God provides.  I am nowhere perfect but I have come a long way from previously being distracted by others. 

 Alas, In Medugorje there were many groups from many countries that were praying in their native language.  This is one thing, which I love about the Catholic Church- our very name means we are universal- even though we do not speak the same language, we have the same faith and we are able to pray together and celebrate Mass together without actually needing to speak the same vocal language because we speak the same spiritual language (from our heart and minds).  Each evening, at the evening prayer service and Mass- we would all gather and say the rosary in our own language.  Then at Mass you would hear the people respond to the Priest in many languages.  Whenever I am with a large community of Catholics from different parts of the world, I have a very strong appreciation for the men and women, who came before and shared the truth to all the corners of the world- starting with the apostles.  So in this very brief blog, I leave you with that thought... Who can I thank for sharing the truth with me?  Most likely there is more than one.  Fitting, I come to that question on the eve of my grandmothers birthday, whom prayers are still with me and my family today from heaven.

The Contrast

In Ars, I have enjoyed the many contrast that I have found.  This morning as I took the brief walk up to the site on the Encounter, I thought about these many contrast.  The site of the encounter is where Father Jean Marie Vianney asked a small shepherd boy if he could show him the ways to Ars.  It was here that the Priest would see his parish for the first time.  In thanks to the little shepherd boy for showing him the way to Ars.  Father Vianney told the boy, he would show him the way to heaven.  What if at each moment of our life, we could tell others this?  Through not only sharing the good news with them, but living out the good news.  Our actions will draw others to God more than our words.  We have all seen the person that preaches about Gods love but fails to allow Gods love to shine forth from them.  And if we are honest with our selves, we can see at times in our life when we have been that person that failed to allow Gods love to work through us.

Another contradiction is the Basilica itself.  After his death, the church wanted to build a basilica that would accommodate the pilgrims that had already been coming to Ars.  The towns people did not want the parish church torn down and so the Basilica was built into  the parish church.  This contradiction is a beautiful contradiction.  If you enter from the old parish side- it is small, crowded, mainly wood, and simple when compared to the Basilica side which is large, spacious with high ceilings, marble, and elaborate.  Yet, this is the very essence of this simple country priest.  Father Vianney interiorly was a very simple and humble man.  Yet, to those that knew him, met him, and traveled a great distance to get to the confessional with him- realized something else... Yes, he was a humble man, but a humble man that walked with a giant daily (aka God).  The two sides of the church reflect this contradiction so well and yet together it does make perfect sense.  

The next contradiction was the contradiction between his home and his church.  The parish home, upon his arrival was well decorated - too decorated for a simple humble servant of God.   So out with the decadence and in with the bare necessities.   How he decided to live is very  important, he kept the bare minimum when it came to furniture but he surrounded himself with images and books of our Lord and Saints.   Having a hard time focusing on God?  Look around your home and office- what image do you see?  what books are on your self?  i will say if you came to my office (when I had an office) the joke was my walls looked like a general shirts - Lined in order with awards.  Guess what, those awards mean nothing.  When I left last August we had an award ceremony, where I gave away those awards to my staff.  The wall, told people that came to my office- I was a success, I know what I am talking about.  But does that really matter?  I can honestly say, I never did any of it for the award but in a way, with those awards on the wall all about me... We can say what was really important to me... Me!  So Father Vianney lived modestly and surrounded himself with things that called to mind God... Hmm, seems likes a no brainer and yet how many of us fell to do this.

Now in complete contrast to how Father Vianney lived, he desired for God to dwell in the best place possible.  So he took the very modest parish and made small changes.  These changes were designed to glorify God, to call God to the minds of his people, and to help his people understand the importance of Christ.  How do you teach Gods majesty?  You show it.  Well his parish began noticing how little he considered himself in importance when he compared himself with God.  A neat addition, that he made to the parish was the bell tower.  Father Vianney wanted to call his people to God.  This was before the time of mass emails, calendar alerts, commercials, billboards, and text messages.  So the bells would ring and would bring to mind God and call his people from the field to Mass.  I have written previously about the church bells, so no need to restate here.  The part of him restoring the church and wanting to do all he can to glorify God, reminds me of the Priest currently at , my parents church, Father Jason Cargo.  I do not know if he got on their roof, to restore the bell tower, but I do know he has put in his manual labor to help get the job done on their church restoration project.  And yes, when you enter the church, even without understanding the presence of the Eucharist, a person knows they are in a holy place, a place to pray, a place to be reverent.  I have been blessed to visit many beautiful churches during my life, but I know we will never be able to build anything that expresses the majesty of God or His goodness but that should not stop us from trying.  I think our best work looks like a kindergarteners art project to God but God like a loving parent tells us how much He loves it because He knows how hard we tried.  

Father Vianney would serve at the parish of Ars for the remainder of his life.  He desired to let the people know of Gods love and he lived out the acts of mercy that Christ calls all of us to, through educating, sheltering, and feeding those in need.  We know his source of all this came through hours of prayer and the Eucharist.   Anyways, Father Vianney parish came to life and the people came to have a life with God.  It was through the confessional, where people were the most touched by this priest.  A good confession, where one is truly remorseful and desires to sin no more is a beautiful thing.  Yea, you might cry but at the end you leave FREE.  The bags you walked in with; guilt, shame, regret, etc are left there and Christ literally makes them disappear for us.  Father Vianney understood the importance and desire of man to be connected to God and as we learn, nothing separates us faster from God then sin.  In the same way, nothing connects us faster to God then having that sin (that obstacle) removed in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  Because of Vianney's understanding he spent many hours in the confessional.  Want to see a Christ center church and its people?  Look for one that offers reconciliation and mass regularly (and people are there).  Because a Christ-center church will not be one without sinners -we all fall short regularly but one where people acknowledge their failures and seek to be reunited with God as soon as possible and to have them being in their presence always.

So this simple parish priest that understood the importance of the sacraments became known to neighboring towns and one by one more people began coming to receive the sacrament of reconciliation.  Well, even without the social media of today, word spread and near his final years of his life he would spend up to 17 hours in the confessional.  Three times Father Vianney tried to leave to live a life solely devoted to prayer as a monk but on his final time, he realize, 'no, this is where God called me' and he regretted ever trying to avoid Gods will for his own desire (an honest desire at that, a life of prayer focused on God). 

The Gospel reading on this day was from Matthew 25:14-30

Jesus told his disciples this parable:

“A man going on a journey called in his servants and entrusted his possessions to them. To one he gave five talents; to another, two; to a third, one– to each according to his ability. Then he went away. Immediately the one who received five talents went and traded with them, and made another five. Likewise, the one who received two made another two. But the man who received one went off and dug a hole in the ground and buried his master’s money. After a long time the master of those servants came back and settled accounts with them. The one who had received five talents came forward bringing the additional five. He said, ‘Master, you gave me five talents. See, I have made five more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.’ Then the one who had received two talents also came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two talents. See, I have made two more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.’ Then the one who had received the one talent came forward and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a demanding person, harvesting where you did not plant and gathering where you did not scatter; so out of fear I went off and buried your talent in the ground. Here it is back.’ His master said to him in reply, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I did not plant and gather where I did not scatter? Should you not then have put my money in the bank so that I could have got it back with interest on my return? Now then! Take the talent from him and give it to the one with ten. For to everyone who has, more will be given and he will grow rich; but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And throw this useless servant into the darkness outside, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.’”

I can say that St. Jean Marie Vianney, did well with what God entrusted to him. Jean Vianney was not known for his academic excellence, he had trouble in seminary with the Latin and so he was given a small talent (a very small village parish), like the servant only given 2 talents.  But through allowing God to use him in any and all ways possible, those two talents multiply many times.  Because he was faithful to God in small matters, God then gave him great responsibility.  I cannot imagine the stress and workload that our Priest take on (all the life changing moments that they are part of for so many people) but yet, if they simply  allow God to use them the load becomes doable.  No not easy but Jesus never promised an easy path.  So the final question, what is it that God has currently given me to be the steward of?  How am I doing? 

Carmel in Arlington

So staying true to seeking God's will in my life, I have begun visiting with various religious communities to discover where God is calling me.  On May 9, I was at daily mass, celebrating Ascension Thursday when after communion I felt God calling me to religious life.  So I began to look into specific communities that would allow me to live-in with them for a week to see if that is the community God is calling me to.  So.....

Arriving on Monday at the Carmel Convent in Arlington, a day after finishing a week long retreat with our youth was like entering another world.  Both worlds were focused on God but in completely different ways.  

As I entered the doors of the monastery, oI spoke to a Sister through a turn (imagine a revolving door but a 1/4 of the size and solid wood so you cannot see through it).  After giving me instructions on where my room was and telling me that Mother would call for me when she was ready to speak to me, she turn the turn around,so I could get my room key.  I then enter through the guest quarter doors and spent a whole 2 minutes pulling my clothes out of my bag to hang up and then I waited to be called.

It was at this point, I thought how fitting it was,that today should be the memorial day of Martha as I sat on my bed eagerly  waiting to be called.  Unlike the week before,there was nothing to be done by me.  I simply was to wait.  Kind of parallels my vocation story.  About an hour later,I got the call to meet the Sister over the novices and we had a good chat in the speak room.  She sat on the cloister side with the grille separating us and I on the visitor side.  She came to go over the Divine Office with me and it was nice to get certain questions I had answered.  Since my main experience with the Liturgy of the Hours has mainly been in foreign languages.

From there it was quiet time, vespers, more quiet time, dinner, walk doing the rosary, more quiet time with spiritual reading, compline followed by matins, and then off to bed.  The following day I would arise at 5:30am for lauds, quiet time with spiritual reading, mass, terce, breakfast, quiet time, meet with Mother, sext, lunch, walk doing the rosary, quiet time with spiritual reading, and then the day continued as I had started the day before and again the cycle remains the following day.  Monastery life is set in routines and they date back to the early church.   I recently read the Rule of St. Benedict and many practices are still the same today.

The Sisters of Carmel spend their life devoted to prayer.  Just as St. Teresa of Avila (who had reformed the order 400 years before) and St. Therese of Lisieux had done in their lifetimes.  Prayer for the Church, the world, family, friends, priest, and those they have never met.  They pray in union with the entire church throughout the world through the Liturgy of the Hours but the prayer also continues during their work.  The Sisters mainly work on manual labor and task which do not require thoughts so they can keep their focus on God.

No matter the vocation, one will do in life, to be done well, they all require sacrifice.  For me and my personality, I know living this life would be the greatest sacrifice on my part.  But I know if it is Gods will, He will give the grace needed if I am simply obedient to Him.  Talking with Mother, it made me smile when she said, "none of us are worthy of this life but God picks us."  We alone are not worthy but God makes us worthy and part of that process is doing His will.

Even though the sisters I spoke with have been in the cloister life for thirty or more years, they still were up to date on the world.  In addition, both of them radiated joy in their vocation as well as shared beautiful thoughts on religious life and spirituality.  Avoiding small talk as well as idle talk, makes the words they say, mean that much more.  The Carmelites live in community but they live as hermits in community.  Exterior silence is a large part of whom they are.  

The Spirit never led me one way or another, so I am not ruling out the cloister life but will continue looking.  Next stop is with the Incarnate Word Sisters.

The Sisters of Mount Carmel have daily mass at 7:30am and it is open to the public, so if you have never been to a cloister it is a great opportunity to see one while getting to celebrate the Mass.  Their address is 5801 Mount Carmel, Arlington, Texas.  To participate in the Liturgy of the Hours, schedule a visit, or donate to the Sisters, contact Mother Anne Theresa at http://www.carmelnuns.com

Lent and our Pope

The season of lent is among us. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday which for many of us, gives us a jump start in our spiritual lives. For the life of a Christian is always about constantly improving and recommitting to our baptismal promises.

During lent, we are given the opportunity to take a look within ourselves for self-examination and the church recommends prayer, fasting, and almsgiving to help us. For many, lent is just about giving up something but often this is very empty with no life-changing impact. In reality we should look at incorporating our Lenten exercises grounded in our pursuit of living an authentic Christian life... Aka our call to holiness.

Thus, when we decided to fast and deny ourself candy, alcohol, meat, etc during lent; we need to constantly think of those in the world whom do not get to eat, have fresh water to drink, etc. In addition, we become aware of how much we take for granted and we fail to give God true thanks for the abundance He has given us. Then as we are called to share our gifts, we can take that money that we would have spent on the item we are fasting from and in turn donate to a charity that can assist others. You see we profit nothing, if we decided to fast from dr. Pepper and instead switch to coke. Yes, my preference is dr. Pepper, but am I truly gaining something by switching to coke during lent. But instead, if i give up dr. Pepper and every time, I craze one or would have purchased once, I set aside the money I would have spent as well as think of those who go with out clean water. Then at the end donate it, to an organization that helps to bring food to those in need.. That would have been a good spiritual growth opportunity.

But lent and fasting does not only apply to food, we can also fast from hobbies that take away our time or attention from God.... Facebook, video games, movies, tv shows, etc. so in this, we might look at one of our activities which drains our time and is not helping us in our Christian lives so we decide to fast from it. In turn we take that extra time we now have to pray, read scripture, volunteer, attend daily mass, etc.

What I love about the church in so many ways, is the more I learn about it, the more sense I see it makes. For example, lent is a 40 day journey to grow in holiness. We see in the bible the significance of 40, but we also see Jesus taking 40 days in the wilderness to pray and there He was tempted. So during our 40 day journey we know we will be tempted, yet we also know God gives us the grace to overcome temptation. From a modern day culture, we often hear leadership experts tell us that if we desire to create a new habit or get rid of a bad habit, It takes 40 days. Long before modern psychology, the church knew the power of 40 days and now modern science supports this idea of 40 days to being a new person.... Huh, new person... That's what our baptism calls us to be!

The goal of lent and encouraging us to each do more fasting, praying, and almsgiving then we normally do, is to help each one of us to be stronger and better Christians then we were prior to lent, but our Lenten growth should not end when Easter comes. We should continue to grow and continue to outdo our previous years Lenten promises. For what great leader makes the same goals year after year... No they make goals that build off of the previous years goals.

One of the areas that I struggle in, is in my thoughts and words. So last year, I kept a little brown book in my pocket and wrote down each of my failures. This spiritual exercise made me aware of just how much or how often I had bad thoughts or engaged in bad conversations. Each time, i realized my failure, i pulled out the book and wrote in it and prayed for help as well as tried to say something positive about the person. As the season of lent continued, I noticed that I was being converted, in that I did not have to write in my book as often as I first had to do. So as part of my continued growth, this year I plan to say a decade of the rosary whenever I fail in my thoughts or words.

Last but not least, we enter the season of lent with pope Benedict the Xvi recent decision to leave the papal office. I have much respect for this great theologian and personally have been enriched by his leadership. I will mourn for the loss of this pope but I am also excited for whom God will have lead His people next. None of us have ever been in a role with as great of responsibility as that of the pope and yet in my small way I am processing his decision. A pope has not only the right but the duty to step down when he is no longer capable of being the head shepherd of the lords people. For a man that has always been seen striving to know God, love God, and serve God it should come as no surprise that upon him feeling, he was no longer able to best serve Gods people to whom God had entrusted Them to, that it was his duty to step down and freely leave the seat of Peter.

Pope Benedict xvi said: "After having repeatedly examined my conscience before God, I have come to the certainty that my strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry."

Each of us, have many roles and responsibilities and we must always make sure through prayer and examination of our conscience that we are serving God and putting His will and His people above our own desires and dreams. Sometimes, we get caught up in the status of the world or being the head of a ministry and somewhere we forget the reason we initially joined that ministry. Our pope has just shown true character, going from the greatest seat of honor to the lowest, according to our societies standards. He now plans to serve the church through a life dedicated to prayer since his abilities to serve physically and mentally are coming to an end.

So as lent begins, let us each commit to praying for the church and our leaders. Let us each give thanks to the witness that our pope has given us and that we too may examine our conscience to see where God is calling us and then not be afraid to go. We hear the words calling us this lent, "do not be afraid!"

Upon arrival, I thought I should have taken the time to learn a little French - after all I had the 3 week course at home and I had used the same company program in Italy and I was really able to get around. But alas, with quitting my job, moving out, spending time with family and friends - it appears learning a language was low priority. After all, up until 4 or 5 days ago I only had a vague plan but then after 3 hours of computer planning I was set on my cities to visit as well as the camino trail that I would take - yes this is a as it comes trip!

So I truly have not gotten lost - amazing as that is as the streets in Paris twist and turn and change more than any other city I have visited. I think some people might think I am a mute- I walk up with a map and point and then they start talking in French and using hand signals. I finish with "merci"- I know impressive and then starting walking in the way they first pointed. I end up getting to where I want to go and really have not had any problems. But on three occasions thus far, I was walking per my directions or map and then I had a filling to go down a different road off the route.

First time I ended up at a small per Paris standard but large per US standard church and as I enter I saw that mass would begin in 5 minutes. Well I went outside quickly to get Internet service so my mass reading app would work but no such luck... So mass number one was all in French. I was able to follow along and just focused on a stain glass and the story that that meant to me. It is easy to see how for so many generations the catholic faith has taught their people through the bible and Christian stories of old using stain glass, pictures, and statues. it was a wonderful first French mass and there was about 200 people in attendance -the faithful. The second time I went off course I was led to another church. This church was very quiet and gave me some alone time to just be present. The third time I went off course was today and it led me to a church that at first appeared vacant as I was thinking about this church I walked around in what I thought was a vacant church and behind the main altar was a back private chapel with adoration taking place and about 15 people in attendance. In all the large churches they have multiple side chapels with altars and tabernacles but i have yet to see adoration or the light letting us know Christ is there in the sacrament of the Eucharist.

So at the end of this post I will some up the lesson as simply when we act simply on faith and trust and not only on our own intellect it is easy for God to guide us. God gave us intellect but it was never suppose to block our faith or trust. I know I have been guilty of blocking the Holy Spirit because it did not go with the plan.

God bless,
Kim Brown

The Journey Begins

The Journey Begins

Like most people I have been striving to create my idea life for myself but about three years ago I started to realize there was more to that idea world then money, comfort, influence, fun, etc

That's when I began asking the question to God- what was His idea for my life? My friends can tell you asking this question and being open 100 percent to God's answer was initially difficult and scary for me to accept. What if He asked me to leave my security - family, friends, job, home, etc. God knew where I was at (as He knows with each of us) and so He started to ask for small changes. 

First came making God my number one relationship and depending on Him instead of myself. Next was learning to be okay in the silence and find comfort in alone time with God - as before i was so busy doing good stuff but those good things became a distraction for me. Then came obedience to God's will. It's easy to be obedient to God when you ask a question and offer answers that you like- this is what I was previously doing but it's a whole new ball game when you ask a question and include answers that you do not want. But you are not being obedient if you are not open 100 percent. One of my hardest things I have ever asked God was one day in adoration what vocation He wanted me to be. I was scared to death to ask this question two years ago because I was very afraid of one of the possible answers. Yet through God's time and grace I have not been afraid of that answer for a year now. After my total obedience to His will I became impatient wanting to know what His will was. As someone that is known in her profession for training on setting goals, action steps, and achieving goals - I really wanted to zero in and focus on my own goals so I could create an action plan to achieving it - well God has reminded me He is God and it will be done on His time not mine. Then in openness to God I went on a vocation weekend to learn about religious life. From that weekend I do not feel called to religious life anymore than I feel called to committed single or married but I did take away an amazing insight. The Spiritual Director -Sister O'Toole asked the question when are you most alive with God? This is a great question and one I had never stopped to ask myself. I invite you to quit reading this blog and spend sometime with God asking this question and seeing how your gifts play into that. For me I am most alive when I am teaching a group of people and I am most alive with God when I am teaching about God. My current job at the time allowed small amounts of time to do this but I spent a large amount of time doing other duties. Then came a silent retreat upon arrival I read Matthew 6; then the chapter I was on in Imitation of Christ also talked about not worrying and being anxious; then the chapter I was on in a book that the nuns had given me was also about not worrying; and finally the opening guided talk was on the same topic. Well I heard the Lord loud and clear and my focus that weekend began a transformation. I knew the week before at work, that God had given me another sign that it was time to move on but I was still anxious about leaving a job and career that I had spent 10 years at. After the retreat I decided to simplify my life and I started to get rid of my stuff. I found it much easier to get rid of my stuff after going to mass and so that began my summer ritual. I would go to church and then begin getting rid of stuff. In all I got rid of about 75% of my things and the remaining 25% is in storage or at my folks. I gave my property to a property manager to take care of for me and turned in my resignation. 

It was very hard to walk away from my students especially after a great year and some amazing conversations. It was also very hard because of some amazing friendships with the people I work with. Lastly, it was hard to walk away from the program that I had created with the students over the years. I was happy last night to find out that my old position was offered to Daisy as it lets me know the students will be put first under her leadership. You do not always realize how you touch other people lives or they touch yours until it is time to say goodbye. 

Although, I will be traveling I know I will be with my family again and look forward to being stateside for the birth of my newest nephew this December in Virginia.

Last but not least would be my church family- I am blessed by some amazing people that have come into my life and have offered friendship, support, love, prayers, direction, and joy! This has been the hardest part since in my heart I want to say I am coming back but if I am truly going on this journey to silence myself and be open to God's will I can not guarantee that I will return. I like to think God knows my heart and that I will be back in Denton come November. That is also why I am staying on life-teen team at ICC.

So I am heading out and going to be open to God's timeline. I plan on going on a personal pilgrimage to France and Spain and spending time with God away from all the noise and distractions that my world offered. I have packed 23 pounds in my bag and spent three hours yesterday planning - I took the not worrying to heart! I am blessed with many people whom care for me but it seemed too many people were hearing God tell them what I should do with my life and not all the messages added up - so I am going to head off and see what comes. I will post to this blog as I travel so feel free to come along for the journey (thanks to my faith group for recommending it and kb2 for setting it up).

The one constant theme I have heard in my prayer and discernment is "rebuild my church" - but what does this mean to me? I feel this is a universal call to each of us - from mothers and fathers in their domestic church, to our priest in the parish, to youth minister with their teens, to a boss with their staff, etc. So for me, I want to figure out how God wants me to rebuild the church and then focus on that until He tells me to move on. 

{As a public service announcement if you hate run on sentences, poor grammar, bad spelling, etc this blog might not be for you. I am writing as it comes, when I hit wifi and I really do not plan on re-reading my thoughts. But if I ever write something that is not in alignment with church teaching - then by all means correct me.}

I fly out tomorrow to Paris.

God bless,
Kim Brown